Back in general

I am back from Watervale. I read 7 books and spent most of every day wandering around with or without a camera (usually without). I decided that I am going to get my own thing to develop film in, but that is a problem because I don't know what it's called. Photographers! What is it called! It's that black can thing with a spool that holds the film so that I can put chemicals in it. I need help figuring this out.

Right now I am in a really anti-social mood, and have been for some time now. In fact, I've been in varying degrees of anti-social for the past couple months. I kind of wonder if it is just a long-ish phase, or if I just don't really like people. Anyway, I decided that it's ridiculous and I am going to start doing some serious hanging out. You heard me.

I decided that I am going to make some mood mixes. Right now what I mean by that is mood mix, because I've only thought of one mood that I want to make a mix for. I am putting together my Power! Mix. The idea is that when you listen to it, every song makes you feel like you are awesome and that you can do anything. So far, it has four songs, and only one of them is the Final Countdown (the other three are by the go team). I have high expectations for this project.

Also while I was gone I had a bunch of realisations about, uh, everything I guess. Mostly spiritual or psychological stuff, so I'll spare you most of it. But my favourite one was about honesty and compassion.

I was thinking about how so many people favour being nice to being honest. So if I have a booger hanging out of my nose at a nice dinner party, is anybody about to tell me? No of course not. A smaller number of people hate that, and will then be honest always. I used to look at this as an "I guess that's the best thing". Until I realised that it isn't just about honesty, and it's also about compassion. See, the majority of people tend toward dishonest compassion, while those who rebel against that are honest, but without compassion. Thing is, you can actually do both, and pretty easily as long as you're mindful of it. And picking one or the other is bad no matter what. Dishonest compassion makes you a bumbling fool, while honesty without compassion becomes cruelty.

Night.
-Matt

Back on the 22nd

Well I'm leaving for Watervale. I don't really want to go. Actually, I really just don't want to go. But I'm going. Then right after I'm at a family reunion until August. See you in August.

AAAAA

I CAN'T DO IT

NEVER POSTING AGAIN

Let's see how long I can do this

Snakes on a Plane

It's real. I saw it advertised at a movie theatre. For a while I just assumed it was a fake movie. I mean, the only evidence I saw of it was a bunch of fake trailers made for it on the internet, and the IMDb, which is also on the internet (I don't trust the internet for reliable information, ever, by the way). But I saw a movie poster, and it said it was coming out on the 18th of August. Dang. August is going to be kickass. Ditty Bops on the 17th, Snakes on a Plane on the 18th. I'm like, "daaaaang!"

Summer 용맹정진 2006

Yeah I'm just showing off putting Korean in the title. It transliterates to "Yongmaeng Chōngjin" (pronounced kinda like "youngman junction" — I used to think that was how it was spelled when people talked about it), and it means "Ferocious Effort." In Korean monasteries, for the 7 or 9 days before Buddha's Enlightenment Day (usually in January), they will hold a Yongmaeng Chōngjin. This means they meditate all day, and then all night, and then repeat, until Buddha's birthday arrive (they don't go to sleep). Some monasteries hold Yongmaeng Chōngjins at other times of year as well, but that is the time that all of them do it.

I did not do that. In the west, we have a much less hardcore version. Here is our schedule:

5:00 - Wake up / cold rub-down and stretching
6:00 - 108 prostrations, then the first meditation period
8:30 - Breakfast
9:00 - Cleaning practise
10:00 - Rest
10:30 - Second meditation period
1:00 - Lunch
1:30 - Rest
2:30 - Work practise
6:00 - Optional snack
7:00 - Third meditation period
10:00 - "Bed time"
11:00 - Candles off on the alter

Okay, uh. Cold rub-downs are pretty-much what they sound like. You stand there naked in a small bathroom with about 15 other naked people and buckets full of cold water. You put a towel in a bucket, and rub yourself vigourously. You do your whole body 2 or 3 times (takes 15-20 minutes). It is definitely a way to wake up.

Meditation periods consist of a half-hour sitting meditation, a 10-minute break, a half-hour sitting meditation (with interviews), a half-hour walking meditation, and a half-hour sitting meditation (continuing interviews). The third meditation period has a fourth half-hour sitting.

Work Practise: I will now reveal the story behind yesterday's post. Yesterday's post is a lie. I did not come across any stinging nettles. I was upgraded to harvesting this weird tree that had it's trunk and all its branches covered in thorns that were bigger than my thumb. I'm like, "daaaaang!" My mom said she thinks it was called buckthorn. To me that sounds too innocent. I think it was called Murderthorn: The thorn plant that murders.

It was definitely an experience. I'd go into more detail about things that happened, but they're all meditation-related, and so I won't bore you.

Oh wait. There was one thing that happened. See, when we did walking meditation, we would go outside and jog in a line. Then we'd walk, eventually walk inside, and then walk really really really slow. While we were jogging on Saturday and Sunday, we were all shouting. The retreat is silent, so I guess that is to get all the built-up noise out of our systems. It's quite a spectacle—35 or so Buddhists running in a line shouting and screaming (not words, just sounds). Sometimes crowds would gather to watch, take pictures, or heckle us. But one guy liked it so much that he decided to join us. And then he went inside with us. And sat with us. And went up for an interview. It was during the interview that Sunim discovered that he was not from some other temple, and in fact just wandered it. Apparently he even signed a release form (retreaters sign a form that releases the temple's liability for things like being stabbed repeatedly by ridiculous thorns).

Well, this guy was actually in line next to me for interviews. Not behind me, or in front of me, like he was supposed to be. And he kept nudging me and trying to ask which of us should go first. It was pretty irritating, and I just ignored him until he said "okay you go first." I assumed he had just arrived from Chicago or Mexico. After my interview, I never saw him again. I was getting really worried that I had hallucinated him, and was all "what is this retreat doing to my head!" But then Sunim mentioned the guy when the retreat was over, and I was like "oh good I'm not crazy."

Otherwise, I have some ideas for my web site, and in the next month, they should happen.

OH SHIT STINGING NETTLES (part 3)

OHHHHHHHHHHHH SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!

Toronto

First off, in case I've been unclear, I'm going to a Buddhist retreat in Toronto until Tuesday. That is where I am. Also, some people seem to think I had a horrible time there. I didn't. I loved it there. It was really hard, but that is a very different thing. Bye

DID YOU KNOW! (part 4)

I talked to a man I know (named Fong) who is a sleep expert. By expert I mean that he used to work for Pfizer on sleep medication and has also worked with Henry Ford Sleep Research. So he knows what he's talking about. Today is an educational post about sleep.

Sleep Cycles. It seems like most everyone I talk to knows how these work, but I didn't, and I don't know how much people are faking so they don't seem dumb. I'll explain it, and you can pretend you knew already (or if you knew, congratulations smarty-pants). When you sleep you sleep in several cycles. The first cycle consists of a lot of Deep Sleep, followed by a little REM Sleep. The next cycle has less Deep Sleep, and more REM Sleep. This continues, and the last cycle has a little Deep Sleep, followed by a lot of REM sleep. By the way, Deep Sleep is dreamless sleep that makes you feel rested and refreshed. REM (Rapid Eye Movement) Sleep is where your eyes are moving and you are dreaming. REM Sleep does not make you feel rested. REM Sleep, however, is very important for your ability to learn or remember things.

Anyway, you might be wondering, "How does my body know which cycle is my last cycle to do a little deep sleep and a lot of REM!" The answer is that it doesn't. There is some number of sleep cycles you are supposed to go through, and you will naturally wake up after the last one. If you wake up because of an alarm, or some other exterior happening, chances are you will be losing REM Sleep (think about it mathematically, that makes sense). In other words, you might feel perfectly rested, but you won't be performing your best as your memory and learning abilities will be hampered. Therefore, if you want to be at your best, it's important to get enough sleep.

You might be asking, "How much is enough sleep!" Well, it is different for everyone. But it is mostly known to the public that when you are little, you need a lot of sleep (infants can need 18 hours a day), and as you develop it gradually goes down. When you are an adult, it is 8 hours and 16 minutes, on average (it can be as little as 4 hours, can be as much as 10). Many people think that "adult" means when you stop growing, around 20 years old. However, "adult" actually means when your brain is no longer developing, at more like 35 years old. 20-year-olds typically need 9-10 hours of sleep per night. Now if you are 20 and you are thinking "bullshit I only get 7 and I'm great," then keep a couple things in mind. First off, everybody is different. You don't necessarily fall into the average. Secondly, if you lose REM Sleep, you don't feel more tired. So you might only be losing an insignificant amount of Deep Sleep, but a quite significant amount of REM Sleep.

Anyway to answer the question, "I don't know." I mean, you have to figure it out. What you should do is set a bed time that you will rigourously follow, and see when you wake up each morning. The ideal thing to be doing is going to bed at a time that you know will allow enough sleep, and not setting an alarm. By the way, this means that most college students don't get nearly enough sleep. Not that they don't feel rested, just that their learning abilities are severely hampered. … Yeah.

You might be wondering, "What if I sleep in on the weekends!" Well, this actually is healthy, and makes up for lost sleep during the week. That's right, it actually is. However, it's only healthy compared to not getting enough sleep ever. The healthiest thing is to always get enough sleep. But if you do sleep in on weekends, that does make up for it. Problem is, you're not getting enough REM Sleep during the week. Chances are that during the week is when you actually need it.

Ju prolly wonner, "What if ju take a nap!" Naps do not help. If you need to take a nap, you are not getting enough sleep. Full stop. I was really surprised to learn this. Basically, a typical 20-minute power nap will only be deep sleep, because it's just the beginning of the first cycle. So it feels very restful, but does you no good. I mean, naps aren't bad for you. They are a very nice way to rest or take a break. But they are not at all a substitute for actual sleep. I know, I heard this and I was like, "daaaaang."

I think that covers everything. You can ask a question, and if I know the answer, I will answer it.

Two (2) Things I forgot to write about that happened on the same day

A while ago I went to my cousin's graduation. I had a contest with my mom. "Find a black person." It ended in a draw, because none of the graduating students were black (although a couple looked like it but upon closer inspection they were just tanned). I later asked my cousin "what is up with the lack of black students" and he said "there are a bunch of black students in my class" and I said "why were they not there" and he was like "well it's not like they ever graduate." And I am like "daaaaang."

Also, while eating after the graduation, a couple of the males in my family decided that males were genetically better drivers than women. They expressed this argument and while a couple other males thoughtfully nodded their head, the rest of the males and all the females loudly shot them down and it soon turned into an exciting debate. As neither side had a lick of evidence, I grew bored and interrupted, asking loudly if anybody knew any good jokes (this is my default question that I ask if I can't think of an alternative quickly — it is usually a good question and it moves overall conversation in a direction I like). Immediately, my wonderful brother shouted "I do! Why can't Helen Keller Drive!" It was a beautiful moment. (In case you have not heard this joke, the punchline insists that Helen Keller cannot drive because she is a woman.)

The third, bonus entry is that the newest Super Mega comic is particularly excellent.

The fourth, super deluxe bonus entry is that I finally got a google calendar. If you want to see what I am doing with my life, you can easily click the convenient Google Link™ to the right (it has GOOGLE CALENDAR written on it, you should not miss it).

OH SHIT STINGING NETTLES (part 2)

You'd think that by now I would know how to identify this plant.

Postcardware

I just got a program that called itself postcardware. Apparently this means that if I like it, I should send a postcard saying so. I approve.

Inconvenient Truth

I just saw the movie; everybody ever should see it.

That said, it did leave me with a couple of questions: (1) Gore said they took a sample of some large number of scientific articles and none of them hinted that there was any doubt about global warming being a huge doubt. He did not specify as to what kind of survey. If it was a random sample, then that's all fine, but he didn't say that, he just said "sample." (2) There were a lot of pictures of glaciers over time and it would have the year in the corner. Obviously, the glaciers were much smaller / gone when the year was more modern. I would want to know what time of year it was, though. If the past picture was taken in the winter, and the present picture in the summer, then, well, that accounts for a lot of the difference.

Gore is a smart guy, so I'm sure he's thought of this. But if it wasn't a random sample, and the pictures were taken at different times of year, that would leave a gaping hole for people to to attack him. And it would be a shame if that undermined the clear message of the movie. I'm not going to bother looking it up though. I mean, if it is bogus, then I'm sure it will become clear. If it's not, the movie will be unchallenged, and hey, great.

Yeah but anyway, see the movie. I give it three thumbs up.

No more blood!

The bloodied-up part of my thumbnail just fell off, so now it looks much more normal. It's kind of weird. I'm so used to seeing this big red spot on it and now it looks so bland and boring. Does this mean I want to get another staple-gun and start at square-one? Fuck no.

Tired but ready for the new day

My sleeping schedule is shot to hell.

DID YOU KNOW! (part 3)

Educating article on segregation.

THINGS TO DO TODAY

•   Listen to Tom Waits

Ecstasy

We met a guy on the diag who was probably on ecstasy and he bitch-slapped Brian pretty dang hard. I don't feel like explaining; go read Gynelle's blog.

Hahaha!

So I watched the new Pink Panther last night (with Steve Martin). It was, well, really, really bad. I was thinking back and decided that I haven't seen a worse movie since Riding with Death. Then I remembered Space Mutiny and Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. But the thing is, neither of those were trying to be funny. If a movie is trying to be suspenseful or intense or something like that, and fails, you can laugh at it. When a movie tries to be funny, there is nothing you can do except pick up a magazine and start reading it during the movie (I read a discovery magazine about the Great Depression; I learned a lot!).

Yeah. I think that every time Steve Martin talked in Pink Panther I died a little. I mean, the movie basically used the same joke over and over again, and it wasn't funny the first time. And it also wasn't funny at any other time. Wait, wait, there was one part that I smiled at, actually. If you've seen it, remember the scene where Steve Martin shouts "Newspapers!" and they put up newspapers? And then that happens a few times? And then Steve Martin falls down the steps to the subway? That scene (sans subway) was the best part of the movie. If you haven't seen the movie, you get a THUMBS UP award.

Anyway, my family was all depressed when it was finished, and we were like man we need to do something to finish this day on a good note. We ended up watching the Princess Bride (I like this movie a lot, as does everybody. You like it a lot too). I noticed midway through that the six-fingered man reminded me of Corky from Waiting for Guffman. I said that to my family and they were like "heh yeah there are some similarities." And I was like "no seriously, guys, I think it's the same actor." And they were like "haha shut up Matthew." And then we got to the credits, and who played the six-fingered man? Christopher Guest! I get to add another notch to my "I was right and they were wrong" wall.

P.S. My brother is really getting obsessed with OutKast lately. I mean, the Red Hot Chilli Peppers are a good band (I'm told by people I respect, anyway), so him ruining them for me by playing the same stuff by them nonstop is a little okay. But OutKast? They basically have no songs that could be called good by anybody with reasonable taste. I mean, they suck and I hate them. I want my brother to turn them off. I told him that, and he was like "whatever shut up fag." He didn't say fag, but that is what I imagine in my mind.

Good mood again!

Today was a moody week!

Yeah, lonely it is

You know how when you are hungry, sometimes you don't feel like food? You just feel hungry, but nothing sounds good. It's like that. I hope so, anyway. If it is, then the cure is hanging out with someone. I hope that's it.

Also my parents are talking about how I'm really not doing well. They think I'm asleep, I think. Overhearing these conversations is kinda annoying.

DID YOU KNOW! (part 2)

It isn't really surprising to anybody that women are quicker at picking up emotions than men are. This meaning such as facial expressions (for joy, anger, SO-SAD, etc). What is more interesting is the one very-specific exception. Apparently, men and women are equal at how quickly they pick up anger. Unless the angry person is male, in which men are actually quicker. So men are quicker than women at picking out an angry man. This makes sense, if you think about it. When angry, men are more likely to become violent than an angry woman. Also, men are more likely to kill men than to kill women. So if you are a man, and you are near an angry man, you are probably in more danger than any women nearby.

It's interesting how the male psychology seems to cater more to anger and violence. It makes sense, as men were the hunters and women were the mothers, but it's still fun to read about it when science proves it true. Also, apparently, men have a brain-reaction leading to joy whenever they see a bad guy get his comeuppance. Women do not have this brain-reaction. Heh. We men are just so much more violent than women !

The rudest video on the INTERNET

The RUDEST

Fuck this

Sprint® seems to have trademarked the phrase "Fair & Flexible."

Emotion, what the heck are you?

Man I have some kind of emotion going on right now and I don't even know what it is. I have a feeling (and I'm usually right about this kind of thing, what with it being my emotion) that it's not a happy emotion, and is more toward the depressed end of the spectrum. If it were depression though, I'd say so. I don't really know what it is, and I'd just as soon ignore it. Well, the me from half a year ago would have ignored it. At this point I know better than to ignore my emotions. Still though, I don't really know what's going on, or why it's going on.

As I said, it's definitely not depression. I've been all sorts of depressed, same as any person my age, and I know it well enough to know what it is. But I don't feel bad. Just, I dunno. Dissatisfied. A little unfulfilled. It's like the feeling you get when you just realised that you did something really wrong. Except, I can't for the life of me imagine what that would be.

But it isn't like that. Even though the past couple weeks have been really good, I just feel empty. Hungry, in a way. I feel a kind of loss of hope. Like I'm a failure. Hm. No that's not it. No, it is. Yeah, I feel like a failure. Why? I dunno. No, I don't feel like that. I'd better keep delving into this I guess.

Lonely. Is that it? Could be. Heh. I decide I don't like groups, and then I get lonely. Ah, irony of fate. I don't enjoy hanging out with my friends, yet I get like this when I'm not. I guess I need to find a middle road, eh? Eh.

I miss Gynelle, mostly. I think. Yeah, I miss Gynelle. I haven't hung out with her since December. No wait. January. The night before I left I hung out with her. But since then, it's always been with other people, and that really doesn't count.

Why is it that everybody has time to get together in a group, yet nobody has time to hang out alone? Then again, do I really even enjoy hanging out with one person? I guess it depends on whom. Does it?

I feel like I'm wasting my days. Yeah, that's it. I'm wasting my days. I don't seem to have a purpose. I'm happy when I'm at the temple, because then I'm helping a community grow. When I'm at home, I walk the dog, paint the house, relearn some math, and organise my room. I know that it's all to help me, but for what? What does any of that have to do with any of the things I want to do. What do I even want to do.

I just want to go to school, and be like everybody else. There, I said it. I'm tired of being the guy that's too stupid to go to school. People get flaming drunk every night, and yet they pass enough classes to graduate. I completely fail 100%.

Oh right! It's because I'm special! I'm unique! I'm a late-bloomer! That's it, right! It isn't that I'm a complete idiot, it's because I'm just different! Why didn't I see that before!

Man fuck that, I'm not fooling anyone. A smart person does not go to college and get zeros in every class. In America, the grades range from A through E, or F, as the case may be. In England, they go A through G, including E and F. And then, they have U. U means "Unmarked." It is the teacher's way of saying "why did you even make me go through the trouble of grading this." I didn't "fail" each class. I got a U in each class.

Aw fuck it I'm just tired I'll feel better in the morning.

Follow-up

Okay no more big groups for me. Or at least, not when I can avoid it.

Pickles on Parade

I have to remember that I don't like hanging out with a lot of friends at once. It always sounds like a lot of fun and then I do it and then I come home all unhappy. Although on the other hand, not going to such events would be viewed as "anti-social" and people would start assuming I had circumstances or something. I am not liking this situation. I guess the best thing to do is to just go and not enjoy it and then go home, basically what I am doing.

In case people are wondering why I am not really having get-togethers at my house anymore, by the way, this is why. There is another reason, but that'd just make people feel guilty, and I have no reason to do that. Yeah. I don't really like parties. I like the Night Crew because it involves just a few people going out and basically hanging out. I like being with a few people. But with a lot of people it just gets too, noisy. Noisy isn't the word I'm looking for. Partly I start automatically changing who I am to accommodate the atmosphere. Yeah. I become noisy. That's it. I don't like being noisy, yet I always start doing so when in a big group. And then afterwards I just feel unfulfilled. I don't like going to parties for this reason. I like being in small groups, preferably of two (me and you).

I did get to play a mandolin though, and it was wonderful. I did a shit job at it, but it was so awesome to have a mandolin in my hands again. I really need to save up for a mandolin. That would be a really good idea.

Anyway, I guess from now on I'll just keep going to parties, but I'll probably only come for short periods of time. Or something. I'll probably just keep doing what I'm doing and then make upset posts when I get home. Yeah. That's the plan.

This blog ain't gon' update itself

I need to learn to use a sewing machine. There is a huge hole (actually three of them) in my meditation pants. They are covered up with patches, but the patches are coming off because I hand-sewed them. Well, it's more complicated than that. Basically, if you don't know, with a patch, you need to hem the edges so that it won't fray over time. If you want to do a good job, use a sewing machine. I didn't know that I had to hem them before, so the patches are fraying to nothing. So I need to get new patches (done), hem them (not done), and sew them back on (also not done, but I know how). My mom knows how to use the machine, but we are never in the house at the same time. Does anybody want to teach me how to sew with just a straight stitch (this should be really easy) before this weekend?

Also, things are going really well right now. For me. I've managed to overcome that whole thing now, and everything seems to be falling in place. I am beginning to realise how pessimistic of a person I really am. I always thought of myself as an optimist, but I feel like I'm waiting for myself to fall down and fail at this new method. But the more it works, the more I'm realising that, well, dang, I did it. I'm going to college for sure. I am going to grab it by its horns and kick it.

I'm thinking of getting a membership at the Y. It's cheaper than the CCRB (apparently, Students have to pay now … retarded.), and I'm already familiar with all the equipment I'd use. Hey Josh, if you read this, do you want to co-ordinate this? I'd probably work out Mondays Wednesdays and Fridays, and I'm pretty sure your classes are on not those days, right? Is it even cheaper than the CCRB? It's $26 per month. How much was the CCRB?

I went to allofmp3 and got a bunch of music by ЛенинграД and Звери. I really like the way Russian sounds as a language. A lot more than French, anyway. I am considering doing Russian instead of French, because (a) I like it a lot better and (b) I actually know people who speak Russian. I doubt I will ever spend a significant amount of time in France or Russia, so neither language is more practical than the other. The only reason I'm doing French is because I have a lot of experience with it already. So going into Russian makes all my previous work in French a waste of time, and I'm not eager to do that. I could do French and then try my hand at Russian after college. Or, I could do Russian in college and finish up French after. What do you fellows think?

Honestly, I think it will depend on my schedule. There is one class I want to take and I'll probably go for whichever language fits in best. Speaking of which, I should contact Jennifer Myers to see if the class is scheduled yet. I kind of hope it conflicts with my French class. Heh. Russian would be so much more work. But, to be honest, I just want to do it more. I dislike this kind of situation. Daang. It also looks like Russian requires 4 hours per week of co-curricular activities (French required 80 minutes). So much more work. Yet I still want to. Oh wait. But it looks like Russian only meets four hours per week. I guess it's much smaller than French so it would make sense for it to not have a discussion. I have no idea how I should go about this decision. I hate gut vs logic. I'd try Shoshana's coin thing, but I already know what I want to do. It's what I should do.

Anyway, my room is starting to get organised, and I'm getting better at the violin. Still not enjoying the violin, but I'm getting better as I said. I always feel kind of bitter when I think about my violin. That's no good.

I'm getting back into transliterating Korean Buddhist chants. I found the yebul (예불몬) online in a few places, and they are all the same, and are different than the one the temple gives us. So I'm transliterating it using a romanisation that I made up, because the current ones don't make sense to me. That probably sounds really pretentious. I'm not aiming for that. I don't actually know anything about Korean except the alphabet, and the romanisation offered by the Korean government sucks, while romanisations of the past are insufficient for different reasons. So I combined a few of them to make something that makes a lot more sense to me.

I'm listening to O Brother Where Art Thou. Great.

Pat

I just noticed that my blog is the same style as Pat's blog. Does that make me an asshole?

Great great great!

GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT

Can't sleep!

Actually I changed my mind. I found something that works really well for my problem.

Basically, my real issue is that I get into arguments with myself. As soon as I know the right thing to do, a part of me says "but I don't wanna" and another says "but it's what you should do" and then I go back and forth and eventually one side wins. If my tantrum side wins, I end up wasting time, and if my good side wins, I force myself to do whatever it is.

This is how I've always done things. And that's part of the problem. So I talked to Haju the other day about it and she said to treat my problem like it was a crying baby. I can't ignore the problem or push it away or yell at it, because that'll just make the baby cry more. Instead I have to give it some positive attention and calm it down. So I tried it today when I got up. I saw some clothes that have been on the floor for a couple days.

Voice 1: You really should pick those up
Voice 2: I don't wanna!
Voice 1: Don't worry, it'll be okay, you can pick them up
Voice 2: Okay

And then I did it. And for the first time in my life, I didn't have to force myself. I actually wanted to. This may sound pretty dumb to you, but seriously, for me, that's huge.

And the same thing continued all day, with the same immediate result. And like I said, it isn't a new way of forcing myself to do something, it's actually a way for me to stop being childish and to actually want to do it.

Of course, I should wait a week before I go on about how great it is. Another problem is that whenever I get on a roll, I fall down a couple days later. But if this continues, then shit. I'm ready for college. Shit shit shit! (the good kind of shit)

I am so excited about this right now (which might have something to do with why I can't sleep).

I'm hoping that the computer screen will tire out my eyes, which can't seem to close. Anyway, I will keep this updated on how I do. Right now though, I am pumped! Seriously, I'm a smart guy, and if I can get past my not wanting to work, and get to the point where I always want to work, I will be unstoppable! I will be a lean mean Matt machine! I will be seven dollars! I am seven dollars! I will always be seven dollars! I will love you forever seven dollars!

. . . I wonder what I would be like if I smoked the reefer and then got really tired. You would not want to be around to see that.

I'm gone for a while (not really)

Okay I've cooled down now. I'm not going to be on my computer until Sunday. I'm not cutting myself off, I'm just leaving my computer alone. I might leave it for longer. I don't know. Either way, if you want to get ahold of me, I still use the phone and I still exist on the physical plane. So there are two simple ways to contact me. I'll make another post when I get back on. Until that post, bye blog, and bye internet!

Fuck it

I am as angry as all hell right now. Night.

Dangit!

Why the heck can't I make myself do things when I want to, all of the time! Or at least most of the time. Just 50% of the time would be great. I am so sick of being around 25%, if that. I am such a waste of a human being. I hate it.

Deleted another 7 gigs

I am down to 50.2 GB of music now. I am very happy about this. 25 days instead of 32. This calls for a celebration. By celebration, what I mean is that I got the soundtrack to Reefer Madness: The Movie Musical off BitTorrent. This soundtrack does not actually exist, but I guess that's a lie, because it very clearly does exist.

Who just deleted 4GB of music!

Me. (I did.)

Tired Matt, you are not invited to my parties

I just went biking with Anneka and Alex Houser and Matt#2, and found myself to be shaking and sweating and having a real hard time catching up. I recalled the fact that I got about 4.5 hours of sleep last night (12:30 - 5:00). Then I rewinded to the night before where I got 3 hours of sleep (4:00 - 7:00). I blame my inability to do physical activity on my lack of sleep. I stopped during the bike ride and told the crew I really couldn't do it, and they were very understanding, and now I am home. Thanks guys for being understanding!

Anyway I will be sleeping as soon as it gets dark tonight, and waking up some time later.

Hey

All in all, I am feeling pretty good about my life right now. Although if school were to start tomorrow I know for a fact I would not be ready, I am getting there slowly and surely. I'm not sure how clear I've been about this, so, for those of you who don't know, I am trying my best to solve my problem of not being able to make myself do work. It's a trickier problem than it sounds like, since I actually have a very reasonable work ethic, and have had one for a while. While at the temple, I would think nothing of working almost literally for the entire day. At a job, I work hard, have a good attitude, blah blah blah sorry if it sounds like I'm bragging.

Problem is, if I know that I'm the only person watching myself, then bam, no work gets done ever. The problem is not what I thought it was, that I can't do work. Obviously, I can do work. By the by, when it comes to studying, if I study with someone, I study hard and well. If I study alone, I never start studying. So it isn't that I cannot do it, it's that I don't do it. So I just don't really know how to deal with this. Yes I could just have a bunch of study partners, but I can't go through college depending on that. That would be pretty silly. I think this is something that I have to not think about so much, and just do it rather than anything else. But that is hard for me.

I have the last song from Reefer Madness the Movie Musical stuck in my head. It is the one that is like da da, da, da da da da, da, da, da da, da, da da da da, da, da

Do I need to be more assertive?

Yeah I think I do. I'm too much of a pushover I think

I hate how people try to make money off of every dang thing

I am downloading Cave Story for Jake from some website, and they are bombarding me with things saying I should register. Basically, it's one of those downloads pages that if you are a paying member they give you all the benefits that they could easily give to everybody, but if you are not a member, you have to wait one minute, and while you wait ads pop up, and you have to go through all these validation things (while reading their reminder that, had you been a paying "premium" member, you would not have to deal with this). Seriously. I know we all have to make money somehow, but there is a time when it gets ridiculous. Everybody knows that most sites now will not put you through all that crap to download something. Why the heck would anybody ever become a member. There is not a reason for this to happen.

Okay I'm done.

Ha ha!

If I were a Dead Russian Composer, I would be Aleksandr Borodin. Son of a 19th Century Russian prince and a...non-royal...mother, I went to medical school and became a biochemist. Most people, however, (and probably my twenty cats as well) agree that they'd trade all of my scientific discoveries for another set of "Polovetsian Dances."

I find this amusing because it is basically wrong.

Imaginary Friends

I've created a couple of imaginary people. Lazarus and Mara are their names. Now that I'm writing about it I'm starting to realise that you might think I'm going crazy if I start to describe them. So I'll spare you.

Q&A with MATT (part 1)

Q: Matt is it really true that when you are tired your body weighs a lot more and is heavy to carry upstairs?
A: Yes.

Good night!

It's like, when a guy in traffic is honking, in a way he is actually crying out for his own dong!

Buddha's Birthday Lanterns

Here are a couple of cute lantern dedications made by children:

I Love my mom who lives in Las Vegas, Nevada and We miss each Other and I love my mom

poor people should be rich

I happened to notice these two. All I could think when reading the first one was "awwwww." As for the second one, it was more of a "haha great." Sometimes kids can write things that (I think) are pretty cool.

OH SHIT STINGING NETTLES

owwwwwww

Haha!

After looking around a bit, I noticed that I update my blog more than anybody I know. Also, my updates are generally more trivial than anyone I know. Heh. I win my competition!

Also, speaking of competitions, not a single person has entered my drop cookie competition. Seriously. Everybody who gives a recipe gets cookies! And the winner gets pie! I mean, come on! Even if your recipe for cookies sucks by comparison to the one I pick, you still get cookies at least. I mean, I am not kidding about this competition. It is real.

Right now I am spending most of my time cleaning my house, and transliterating Korean Buddhist chants. Pretty dull, to be honest. Although I'll be hanging out with Shoshana on Monday. That should be a bucketload of fun.

Also I picked up Gödel Escher Bach again after not reading it for a couple weeks. Good book. Seriously. I'm at the part where Mr. T. discovers that "headache" begins and ends with "he" and has A, D, A, and C consecutively within it. Good book. Seriously.

Also I found a book that Shoshana gave me more than two years ago called Jonathan Livingston Seagull. Good book. Oddly enough, it gave me an understanding of a Buddhist concept that I've had a lot of doubts about (the Bodhisattva). I have to go to the temple now bye.

Hm.

I was just about to make a post saying "OH MAN I FEEL AWESOME" but then I realised this is how I am always feeling after I have no real social contact for a few days. I wonder if this is a message I should be paying attention to.

! ! !

I am clean-shaven! Also I didn't cut myself at all! Even with my zits! That's the first time in more than a month! I'm getting better at this!

I need to shave.

I need to shave.

COOKING CONTEST

Okay, whoever finds the best no-bake cookie recipe by Sunday the 21st wins! The prize is that I will make them a pie. Everyone who participates will get cookies. Go!

EDIT: By the way, when I say best, I am looking not only for taste, but for them to be easy to make, quick to make, and cheap and easy ingredients. Taste is not the highest priority when making no-bake cookies. So once again, Go!

MUCH LATER EDIT (9:45): Please don't give me recipes that are just easy to find on the internet. I am looking more for the kind of recipe that your grandma always made for you and one day you said "Grandma what is your secret to these really good drop cookies" and then she gave you the recipe. Seriously. Anybody can just find a recipe on the internet. And I'm gonna make a dang good pie, too.

To clear things up

Yeah I know I say the same thing over and over, as though I don't think you get it. The reason I do that is because I don't get it. This blog exists for my own benefit, not so other people can see into my life or something. I mean, if I wanted a bunch of people looking at my life, well, I mean, I don't know what to say about that. But I use this more as a place to make my thoughts public as they happen. This way, in theory, I will be more honest with myself. If I were just describing things, I'd probably be a lot more organised and concise here. If you want to know that kind of information, I suggest you steal the little red book next to my bed. But also don't do that.

But yeah. I made this blog initially for freewriting, but kept it for thinking out loud. So keep in mind that stuff I write here is in my head. I feel like a lot of my friends don't like me, but that is likely to be completely in my head. The fact that I say that doesn't mean there is any evidence that anyone has been mean to me or anything, it's just my viewpoint.

Unfortunately, I don't really need any specific evidence to jump to rash conclusions, and I like (in a loose sense of the word) to believe that most people are the same. So yeah, this blog is an inside look at my head, not my life. A minor difference, but a difference all the same.

Even when I put up cooking tips or something. It's just my way of saying, "my mind is on cooking."

Already done. For now, anyway.

You know what? I'm being dumb. Really, I am. I just realised this. I'm trying to be someone who I'm not, even if that someone used to be me. That is a dumb thing to do. People are going to judge me and decide whether or not they like me no matter what I do, and they will make these judgements based on the person I project, not based on the person I am. So if I try to tailor myself to what I think people like, then people are liking or disliking a person who does not exist. There is no reason for me to do that. Bad Matt! I shouldn't pretend that I was not affected by spending a while in a Buddhist temple. One thing I guess I've been trying to avoid blabbing too much about is that I am pretty into being a Buddhist now. I start my day with a practise routine and I pray (chant) regularly for anybody I know who is having a hard time. I really believe in this kind of stuff now, and I shouldn't be all trying to hide it.

And I like the person I am now. So there. I win. Bam.

To be straightforward, I am a pretty different person now, face it. If you don't like who I am, fine. I'm not going to be the guy who won't stand up for who he is and what he believes in. If you like me now, that's pretty cool we should hang out.

That was a pretty unbalanced paragraph.

This is a pretty unbalanced post, but I think y'all get my point.

Hahaha great

If you are someone who does not keep up with super mega, the newest comic is great.

I dunno

What I'm considering at this point is a kind of combination of options. If you don't know what I am talking about and don't want to find out, fuck you.

I think part of it is that I try to be who I was and all, and that ain't right. So I think anyone I hang out with me is either going to have to adjust who they think I am, or not, depending on whether it's worth bothering to maintain our friendship.

I mean, it isn't like you guys haven't changed at college or something. Why is this even bothering me. Anyway, I don't think I'm going to interact much socially from now on though. Even though it isn't true, it feels like all my friends are strangers and I'm a stranger to all my friends, and while there's nothing wrong with re-meeting them and re-building friendships, I am not really in the right frame of mind to do that.

While I was at the temple, I wasn't depressed and I wasn't even thinking about this. I was always content and at peace with whatever, and now I'm back and with my friends I feel all crummy. It probably isn't fair to relate the two, but at least I will try it. If anybody wants to hang out with me, then I guess I'd still do it and all, but as mentioned earlier, I'm different and probably not much fun. Anyway, the couple times I started to talk about this to my friends, they pretty much brushed it off, which makes it somewhat clear to me that I'm on my own here. I mean, I don't want to be all "HEY DO YOU WANT TO HANG OUT WITH ME AND HELP ME DEAL WITH MY SHIT" as if nobody else has problems.

But then I wonder if that's foolish, and you need friends to solve problems. Or was this problem created by friends? I don't know. I need to figure things out, and, for now, I won't make any effort to talk to people anymore. Yeah. At least it makes sense to me why it's worse with closer friends. (Because closer friends knew me better and on a deeper level, whereas people like Anneka (who I had barely any trouble hanging out with, by the way) never knew me all that well, so adjusting is easy.)

Anyway, if you want to hang out with me, be warned, it'll be disappointing, and I will make no effort to make it seem like I am the person who left. Is this a backward cry saying "HANG OUT WITH ME"? I'm not actually sure, is the honest answer. I don't know if I want to hang out with a bunch of good friends that will listen to me and have great advice, or if I really just want to be alone. I don't know what I want to happen. So there is not really a right answer (or a wrong answer) for how to respond to this (or not respond to it, as the case may be). Do whatever you think is right.

As an afterthought, the worst part for me is I hear about a lot of people having similar problems, or worse problems. Typically a lot worse. So I kind of feel like I'm being a whiny little bitch about this, and I should shut up. Half of me is saying "No Matt! Your friends care about this!" and the other half is saying "Matt everybody is going to read this and think you are a self-centred whiny little bitch and they will think that because it is true because that is what you are being if you write this" so I've come up with a compromise which is that this is my blog and what is the point of a blog if not to be self-centred. That is supposed to be rhetorical, please do not answer that question. Anyway, with a blog, people that read it can think whatever they want, so it's less of my problem. I'm not about to start calling someone and being all "Talk to me and deal with my shit!" but if you read this it's your own fault. Good enough compromise.

Anyway thanks Garnet and Josh, and sorry Josh for mostly ignoring your advice. I know for myself that your advice is probably wiser than what I'm doing, but, to be honest, I'm tired of dealing with this right now and I think I need a break from it. How long that break is depends on a few things. I shouldn't need to spell them out.

One thing that hasn't changed is that I still say a little with a lot of words. Everything I say is a stream of thoughts pretty much, so that makes sense I guess, as thoughts are repetitive. If you don't want to read all that here is a summary: Wait no I'm not going to make a summary if you don't want to read all that then seriously why are you at this website go somewhere fun.

As a postscript, Anneka, if you read this, it doesn't mean I won't give you InDesign. Let me know when you want it and I'll get it to you.

I'm not completely cutting myself off. I already did that, and it did me wonders. I'm just kind of half-withdrawing, and I expect that will lead to an almost-complete withdraw anyway. We'll see. I have to go, bye.

The obligatory depressed/philosophical post one makes after changing a lot and then experiencing a few weeks of hanging out with old friends

To be clear, I am not basing this off of my hanging out with Asya and James today. It is based off of the month I've been back.

I have changed. I think this is important to face. I've changed on a pretty deep level. On a surface level I'm still the same. My writing style is the same. My sense of humour hasn't changed. None of my values have changed. Et cetera. But I myself have changed a lot in a way that I have trouble describing (by "trouble" I mean I can't describe it at all. It's pretty major though, really).

In changing I've grown apart from all my old friends, and I just don't really feel the same connection, even with Simon or Gynelle. I can only blame this on my hair to a very low degree, and not at all to Gynelle and Simon, since they met me when my hair was like this.

I can say "well it is weird for them to see me after not seeing me for a while" but seriously three months is not a long period of time.

At all.

Should I worry about losing friends? I'm not sure what I mean by losing friends. I'm not sure if it even does mean anything. I like the person I've become, yet I feel a need to go back to who I was when I'm around my friends so that we relate better, but this just makes things awkward.

I'm not actually depressed (yet). Just thoughtful and confused about whether I should be worried. On one hand, losing close friends would suck, but I mean, if we actually don't relate anymore, then it is silly to be friends. On the other hand, can I really have changed enough that I don't relate to my closest friends? Is it just my trying to combine personalities? Would it even suck to lose close friends if we don't relate anymore? I guess it would, since it'd leave me alone. But not really, since I've got the temple and my family. But that isn't the same. Is it?

On another hand, I could be overreacting. But then again, this is something I noticed the first time I hung out with anybody, and every subsequent time. Actually, I noticed it especially when I hung out with closer friends. I don't want to pretend that I'm the only person that goes through shit like this, but if anyone would like to give me advice, or let me know they care, or something, now would be a very good time to do this.

The options I'm considering are (a) just keep doing what I'm doing and hope it gets better, (b) cut myself off pretty much and get on more or less on my own, or (c) something in between. I'm leaning toward (c) right now, since the middle path is generally always a good answer. But I'm not entirely sure what (c) means. I just know that (a) is not working out and (b) might just make things worse.

Once again, I'm not really in a problem, per se. I'm just feeling weird and confused, and would love to hear from anybody who has insight into this kind of thing.

Thanks,
Matt

Today I might hang out with Asya

I do not actually know if this is true. It probably isn't going to happen by the look of things, to be honest. Oh well, always another day, eh?

Otherwise, I finally picked up my violin again, and I didn't sound too bad at all. I think I'm back to where I was, but as I did spend the past few weeks listening to such as Darol Anger and Mark O'Connor, I am not very pleased with where I was. So I am setting about getting good at the violin. I hope it works.

Either way, I need to get myself to the diag once the weather lightens up (probably Wednesday or Thursday), I need to get the notes down still in a couple parts of a Chopin nocturne, and I need to get good enough to jam with this guitar player at the temple. Actually I am probably good enough to jam with the guitar player.

I have this weird image in my head that I should impress people with how good I am with the violin. I really don't know where that comes from. I used to just play it because I enjoyed it, and now I'm all trying to get good. On one hand, it is good to be taking my practising more seriously, but on the other, is it good that I can't be satisfied with just having fun anymore? I probably need to come up with a middle ground of some sort.

But really. Garnet, you ruined my perception of how good I am at the violin. You just had to give me a bunch of awesome music, didn't you. Well, I mean, thanks I guess, because it is pretty awesome.

I suppose the best-case scenario is that I would successfully get really good, and then enjoy playing again. That way I would appeal to both points of view. Right now, I think that's what I am going to work toward.

Also, I am planning on going somewhere (such as the diag) and setting up a table and making and handing out peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwiches. PB&J Sandwiches are very good for you if you are not allergic (the peanut butter gives you an entire protein, so you could actually live off it, albeit not very healthily), and I would be solving world-hunger. By the way, I'm not trying to make a difference in the world. I honestly don't really think I can. I'm just trying to make a difference to a few hungry people that might want a sandwich.

I don't care if people are rich or poor. If they are hungry, then I want to be there with a sandwich. If there are more people than me, it would be easier because we could do it assembly-line style, and I wouldn't have to pay for all the sandwiches myself. I don't want to make the sandwiches ahead of time because people might think I put drugs or poison or something in them, and this idea is contrary to the image I would like to present.

The best thing that could happen is that people would come up to me asking if they can "join" or something. And then I can say, "I am not in a group, if you want to join, come out on your own or with your friends, and spread the word and the sandwiches." I don't want to start a group, because group politics screw up everything. I see no advantages to uniting under a name and a leader. This way, if a group forms itself, and I just stop coming out, it would be able to carry on on its own with no trouble.

The worst thing that could happen is that nobody would want a sandwich and I would have a lot of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to eat. In other words, this is not a situation that can really go wrong. I mean, somebody could start yelling at me or be violent or something, but it isn't like that can't happen any other time.

So I am going to do it, I have no idea when, let me know if you want to do it with me.

SUMMARY:

This was a long post and if you don't want to read it here is a summary:

Probably not going to hang out with Asya
Played my violin, [drama], hope to get better
PB&J SQUAD ATTACK

I think it is awesome that this exists:

http://greatoutdoorfight.com/

I doubt any reader of my blog agrees, but it's still my blog. OH SNAP

Aaaaaaaa!

My keyboard just fell off of my laptop. No, wait, false alarm, good night.

DID YOU KNOW! (part 1)

That when using kitchen knives you should (in order to keep them sharp):

1. Clean, dry, and put them away immediately after use so they do not get caked food on them (even at the microscopic level).
2. (if you keep them in a block) slide them in sharp-side-up so as not to dull the blade.
3. When using a knife to scoot food off a cutting board, do so sharp-side-up, once again so you don't dull the blade.

With these simple solutions, you will never have knife troubles again

Listen to Jesus, Jimmy!

Just say no to marijuana!
Listen to Jesus, Jimmy!
La la la la marijuana!

Good night world!

People skills

Man it is so weird. After such a while of very little contact with people, I've lost the ability to hang out with more than one person at a time. Just one person is fine, but make it two? Nothing doing. Kind of too bad I guess.

Dialogue with my mother

Mother: What was that movie?
Me: A musical based on Reefer Madness.
Mother: Haha! Have you seen the original Reefer Madness?
Me: No, but I kind of want to.
Mother: I saw it so many times with my friends when I was your age
. . .
Mother: while smoking pot.
. . .
Me: Oh.
. . .
Mother: Hey I grew up in the 70's it was okay back then!

Okay.

I think I remember yesterday now. Unless all my memories are fake. Still, that was pretty weird.

What

For some reason I cannot remember anything that happened today. That's kind of weird.

No seriously. I can't remember anything. This is a problem.

Haiku

moon is always bright
carrying the night away
always sharing light

Today was a good day.

First I finished all the gardenwork for my neighbour (for now anyway). Then I hung out with Erica Gynelle and Simon and watched Alice in the Wall. Then we talked a little about Chuck Norris. Apparently he does not have blood; he is filled with magma. Also nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Also Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.

Then we went on an epic adventure, and then we watched Reefer Madness. I intended this post to be longer. I'm too tired to make it longer. Night.

Bad idea

Aaaaaaa shit finding everyone's blog was a bad idea! I just wasted an hour and I can't afford to waste much time today! Shit!

Oh

By the way I don't use AIM (or GTalk or MSN etc) anymore. Find another way to talk to me.

JOSH CAN YOU HEAR ME

JOSH WHAT IS YOUR PHONE NUMBER

Fall Schedule

It seems like everybody is posting their fall schedule. I'm not gonna. I think I can correctly assume that you don't really care what my schedule is (I'm not being depressed. Seriously, you don't care.). My schedule is 9-2 M-Th. This is all the detail anybody could ever want from me. Awesome.

Gonna go to the CCRB with Josh, gonna beef up, awwww yeah.

Wooooo

I just went on a 20-minute blog-finding frenzy. I found 15 blogs in all, three of which I already knew about. Let's see. I wonder if Simon, Erica, or Shoshana have blogs. If any of you happen to read this blog, it'd be cool for you to tell me.

Although, to be honest, I probably will not read any of the blogs I found. Well, I'll read a couple of them, heck, who knows.

Also I think Liz won't let me read her blog because it is apparently "friends only" and I guess I am not her friend. D:

Jack Churchill

Jack Malcolm Thorpe Fleming Churchill is very hardcore. I give him a thumb up.

Oh man.

I am on such a Harry Nilsson kick.

Me and my arrow!!

Mark's Waltz

That was a short depression. Right now I am transcribing Mark O'Connor's Waltz. It is my first time ever transcribing anything (on paper anyway)! I am on the 6th bar right now. It is going pretty slowly but I am pretty sure that this is how it is supposed to go.

In achewood a guy named Barry has a blog called Gasps and Giggles and he addresses his readers as "Barryheads." What would you do to me if I called you a Matthead.

Goodbye Mattheads!

Dang.

Do you ever feel like you've been doing great for a long time, and like you are a gear that has been being turned by another gear for a long time, and then suddenly that other gear quietly separated and you just stopped and suddenly everything sucks? It doesn't usually happen to me, but it just did. Dang. That sucks.

My needs.

I need to hang out with everybody. Everybody, help me get on this.

Your pal,
-Matt

Community

I went to Community tonight and talked to Judith. Also I met up with Anneka and Nick and Sheila and a girl that Anneka said was cool named Hallie. Afterwards Anneka and Hallie and I went out and did not get an ice cream.

Before that happened, I played a little music with Garnet, and learned about how particle board is made.

Before that happened, I moved a lot of woodchips.

All in all, a fulfilling day. Night.

Medicinal Noodles

I just remembered the title of my blog, so I decided it was time I put in a recipe.

Medicinal Noodles

This recipe is great if you have a lot of vegetables that are starting to go bad, but are still edible, yet you don't really want to eat them. It is also great any other time too. By the way, I recommend Shin Ramyun noodles. They are the best I have had so far. If you cannot tolerate spicy things (wimp), then you should probably avoid Shin Ramyun, though (wimp). Anyway, it makes a soup with plenty of noodles and vegetables. Plus it is really easy and quick to make, and easy and quick to clean up. And since none of my directions give exact amounts, you can feel like you are a master chef, just using your good sense. I like this recipe a lot.

• One packet per person of ramen noodles
• A pot with an amount of water that makes sense
• Vegetables, onions, mushrooms, etc.

Throw (carefully place) the pot with water on the stove and get it boiling. You'll need it later, so don't throw it out. Once you have put it on, search for any vegetables (and by vegetables I mean anything) you can find that would make sense in a soup. My favourites are carrots, broccoli, red onions, pre-soaked shiitake mushrooms, and small bok choy. Seriously though, you would have to try pretty hard to screw this recipe up. Experiment! Try garlic, egg, whatever. Let me know if you find anything particularly cool.

Anyway, chop the stuff down to sizes that can fit in your mouth. Also cut the stems off of mushrooms.

When the water starts boiling, toss in the noodles and packets of broth and stuff. Also toss in "hard vegetables" as I call them. For example, broccoli and carrots are "hard," whereas spinach and green beans are not. After a few minutes, the noodles should be done cooking. Turn off the heat, and throw in the rest of the vegetables. You may be thinking at this point, "but if the heat is off how do those vegetables cook." Think about it: the water was just boiling. They'll cook with or without a flame, and it's better to undercook than over cook. After stirring them in, let it sit for a minute or two, and serve as soon as possible.

Maybe garnish with something. I don't know. You figure it out. This is not a recipe that you can do wrong, unless you do it on purpose.

OMFG BUSINESS!

Business!

It's late and I'm tired.

But I spent the weekend at the temple and I feel great. I will be doing this every weekend until I stop, so if you want me to ever do anything between 6pm Friday to noon Sunday, forget it. For example I got invited to one of Gynelle's awesome parties last Friday and all I could say was "no I cannot possibly ever go, ever."

Man, I really need to figure out a way to get to one of those some day. Or have a party at my house. I guess this would be the standard thing.

Friends with Money is not a very good movie. The Man Who Knew Too Little on the other hand is hilarious. Please note that these are my opinions and you can disagree if you like, but kindly realise that I am the god of this website and therefore you should angrily dissent elsewhere.

Also today is my 19th birthday. Happy birthday!

I am awesome.

Well, I'm not going to detail what I just did here, because it is pretty insignificant-sounding. So you'll have to take my word for it. What I just did, well, it was a huge step for me, and I feel really good about myself now. So cool.

Getting in the swing of things

Those of you that care about me would be happy to know that I am really getting in the swing of things finally. I spent most of today using a saw on a lot of pieces of wood (i.e. to make them into smaller pieces of wood that would fit into the ceiling of my house). Also I practised my violin and gave my dog a 90-minute walk. She is asleep right now.

Anyway, I did not spend much time by wasting time. This is what I am happy about. This Friday I am going to go to the temple for my first weekend. I guess I'd be nervous, but, well, why would I be nervous seriously.

So here is my plan with the violin:

Phase 1:

Regain previous skill

Phase 2:

Gain new skill at the same rate for as long as I can fool myself into thinking that I am just regaining old skill

Phase 3:

I guess slow down. At this point I should be pretty good. Take this time to jump to the next level of "great"

Phase 4:

Take a break from any major form of improvement (this way people will think that I have "levelled out" or "reached my peak" or "cannot possibly improve")

Phase 5:

Make a shocking leap from "great" to "awesome".

Phase 6:

This is probably a couple years from now. Probably get this violin (I have been saving money for a little while now by the way) and start over.

This is what I am thinking about at this point.

Also I am trying to put together a resumé for one of the jobs I applied for. The problem is that I don't have any experience at all. Well that isn't true. Part of the job is web designing, which I have plenty of experience. The problem is that all the places I've designed pages for took them off the internet for varying reasons (or never put them up). So while I can list many people I've designed for, I can't list, say, a URI. I'll ask my mom for help with making my absence of a resumé into something that will at least look somewhat respectable.

Yesterday I hung out with Anneka and Nick. This was my first hanging out with anybody while back. I think. Let me think. Yeah. First. Exciting. I'll probably hang out with other people too. I am the kind of a person that does that.

Also I have got to thinking about a couple things. Consciousness and Laughter (not together—separate). I'll detail this stuff tomorrow or tonight. Interesting stuff though, I think.

Also note to self: When you get a house of your own, do not get expensive things such as really pretty granite counters. Because they are just as easy to break as cheap things such as wood counters, but much harder and more expensive to fix. Seriously. Beauty is not worth the trouble. I'm sure you can figure out some other way to make your house pretty without a coffee table made entirely out of glass, without a sink that looks like a bowl supported by intricate metal legs, and without pillows that you cannot use as pillows because they are made out of art and therefore cannot be washed. End note.

The Shaggy Dog Joke

This is a joke that sucks

Back in town

According to my brother there are already many rumours that I am back in town. I guess they are true because I am back in town. So. Here I am. In town.

Also I found out that I can make money if I put up ads and people click on them. Basically I found out that I can make my blog more ugly and probably not make any money.

Also I am looking for a job since they won't let me come back to the cafeteria until Autumn. I am hoping to be a clerk. We'll see.

I'm in the process of transitioning from temple life to world life, and it's pretty difficult. Until I satisfy myself, I won't be communicating with the outside world much more than I have to. The end.

Well bye!

I won't be on the internet much for the next couple days, and early Tuesday morning I am off for half a year. So bye everyone who reads this! Even the person who posts under anonymous all the time. Bye to you too!

Aaaa dangit

I forgot to call Gynelle's and now everybody in my house is asleep and I don't want to wake them up.

D:

Happy New Year

So a week from right now I will be in Toronto soaking up the Buddhism into my bare scalp. I have a nearly complete book of addresses on hand, and so much paper that I am buried in paper. Neither of those things are actually true, but this is one of my last chances to tell a lie (did you know that Buddhists are supposed to be honest? Buddhists are supposed to be honest.).

Today I went to see about getting my mandolin fixed. It is an Italian round-back mandolin from somewhere around 1900 that Garnet hates because he is not accustomed to it. Last summer the humidity killed it utterly (tore the metal part on the bottom that holds the strings). I assumed it would be more than it was worth to fix, but then someone told me it might be fine actually. So I went to Herb David's.

The man there informed me that I should start up an Italian restaurant and use it as a decoration, because it is very pretty. Alternatively, he could part-way fix it for $300 so it would be playable again, and it would be worth $40. For about $1000 he could get it to "okay" status sound-wise, but I agreed with him that it would be a better idea to start a restaurant. Now I am in the market to find a nice new mandolin I guess. Hopefully for cheap. Ish. I mean nothing is cheap. But I guess when I come back I can start saving up a few hundred dollars I guess. I could get an octave mandolin. That would be insane.

My brother finally paid me back for letting him use my credit card to buy Sibelius. Now I have a lot of money again. Go me ! I am so going to steal that program from him when I get back.

I would like to hang out with way more people than I have the time to hang out with. Also, I have developed a hatred of parties. Therefore, I will not be hanging out with a lot of people. Pity!

I got a new pair of German slippers today. They are like love on my feet. Also, my German Slipper Size is 42.

I am becoming good old me again, and I also just remembered that a party is happening right now at Gynelle's. I should call or something to say that I exist.

Identity crisis kinda

Yeah basically. I'm confused. I have a bunch of shit to deal with, just like every other person on the planet. Go me !

Finally I wrote one just now (just for you!)

I realise that I haven't done any free poetry yet on this blog. Well today is the day!

12
is the number
of containers
on my dresser in front of
my eyes
12
I count them one
by one
12
sets of words
proclaiming
"Ben & Jerry's"
12
empty containers
used to be full
of my favourite
food
12
were eaten by me
in two weeks
which makes me realise
I love my life
12

Did that sound pretty artsy? Or just stupid? Well I will give you a hint! It's true!

Man

I want to hang out with somebody right now. Somebody who is actually my friend. You know, so I can be myself for real for a while. Too bad no such people go to this college. Darn. Josh, sorry if that statement offends you. But as good of friends as we are, we are not quite that close. Sorry. You're close though, if that is any comfort!

In response to a couple of comments

I was going to respond with a comment, but it ended up taking longer than I thought so I figured a post would do.

I will come back to French class in the Fall. And I am going to do really really well. I am going to do so well in college that college won't know what hit it.

And no I will not be listening to music because I am not bringing my computer to the temple, and a CD player would be a silly thing to bring to a Zen Buddhist temple if you are going to be a monk.

However, I will be getting a lot of violin practice in. I am going to transpose a bunch of fiddle and bluegrass tunes into all the keys, and memorise them. Theoretically, I will be able to fiddle at that point. In short, I hope to get wicked good at the violin.

Also, just so you know, I plan on writing some dang good songs, some dang good poetry, and a first draft (at the least) of my novel. I will probably get good posture too. That will be neat. It is a little-known fact that my neck is always really sore. This is because I play the violin, and I think because I don't have good posture when I do. In theory, playing with good posture should solve that problem. Man when I come back I will basically be a better human being in every way.

In other news, I think I will try to do what Asya suggested and build a darkroom while I am there, if I have the time, resources, and permission. Also, on a completely different note, I really hate who I am right now, and yes I am aware that "hate" is a very strong word. That is all.

I guess all my posts will be one sentence or so from now on

I am going to miss listening to music when I am in Toronto. I am going to miss it a lot. Shit. I will die. Gah why did I decide to do this!! Meh I'll get used to it.

Toronto

Actually, I am not going to Chicago. I am going to Toronto

Hello everyone!

Thank you for reading my blog today! :D

So

I am not going to school this winter term. I am hopefully instead going to a Zen Buddhist temple in Chicago to basically be a monk for 6 months (where I take vows of such as poverty, selflessness, and humility).

School isn't for me though. Not yet. I am not mature enough for it and I don't have enough self discipline. However, don't worry, those of you that care. I will make sure the fora goes back up before I leave, and I'll find some way to insure that it stays up while I am gone.

As for contacting me while I am gone, frankly, I have no idea. I will not be ever on a computer though (not because of the program, but because I don't want to).

Anyway, if this works out, I should be leaving in January and coming back in July. So there will be plenty of time for such as saying bye etc.

Well bye.

-Matt

Last night

Last night I was feeling very, I dunno. Definitely not depressed, but in that "pondering" state that I get in where I look really depressed. Probably because I spent an hour and a half in the arboretum watching the river (no joke, I was just sitting there and lost track of time). Anyway I am back to normal right now, but last night when I got back I was going to make a very deep post here. I am not in the mood right now, and I got sidetracked last night. No deep post.

Wooooo!

I feel like I can take the world right now. Bring it!

What does that mean? It means I should start studying, because I will get sooo much done. But instead I will stand in the freezing cold for three hours and then eat lunch with my parents. I hope I feel this way 5 hours from now.

Dangit

Well I guess what I was afraid would happen happened. I ended up completely forgetting that I ever had a blog and stopped posting altogether. I'm going to ease into it maybe now. I think that makes more sense.

So me. Well, I guess I've had a lot on my mind lately, but that is true of basically any person, including you, I imagine.

I kinda want to get a license to drive a car. In fact I really should just go and get one. I haven't driven for months, but I should. I probably could do it without too much trouble, and it would make many things easier. Yeah, maybe over Christmas break. Hm, we will have to drive up to my aunt's house for Thanksgiving, maybe I can get some needed practice in then. That'd be a good idea, I bet.

I am listening to the song Lola right now. I like it. Good song. Much better than the Weird Al parody. Most people have heard the parody but not the original, which is sort of silly.

Random quotes heard from open dorm doors as I walk by:

• "Today is Sexy Sunday; everything we eat on Sexy Sunday is sexy"
• "You are bald in three places?"
• There was another thing that I did want to put here but I forgot what it was.

So I am working on the ultimate French multi-page cheat sheet. It will contain everything that I have learned in French, short of vocab. Does anybody recommend a method for learning vocab? Like, that is the thing that I am very behind in, and I need to learn a lot of vocab. If anybody can help me with that, it would be really cool.

Yesterday I bought some sunglasses. This is me wearing them:

I need sunglasses for the Michigan Pops concert, because we are playing the Pink Panther, and they thought it would be a good idea for everybody to be wearing sunglasses during the Pink Panther. Because the Pink Panther has sunglasses-related connotations, I suppose.

Also I am going to get a new web page. I am currently leaning towards mattisgreat.com, because I could come up with a pretty neat splash page. I mean, I have two priorities in a web page. One, I want to be able to host various media (pictures, music, that is it), but more importantly, I want the fora to exist. On my current DOS'd page, the index is just an apache list of files. On mattisgreat.com, I will probably go ahead and design a main page. It would probably have testimonials, and a store (with a link for people to donate money to me). That right there would basically be the cat's pajamas. Or something.

It is likely that I will be seeing a Victor Wooten concert soon. That will be awesome. Also, I might be meeting with Anneka soon to found a secret society. That definitely has potential.

Today I will cash all my paychecks, which will make me into a very wealthy man.

Man I really like the Kinks right now. And I need to go to class. Matt OUT