Man, can somebody just walk me through this or something?

I’m pretty rational—not in touch with how I feel. I feel a feeling that I haven’t felt in a long time (about breaking up with Nora): I feel empty. Haha—not like “WHO AM I WITHOUT A GIRL;” I feel devoid of emotion.

I used to be like this before I went to Toronto. I learned to deal with how I felt and stop bottling things up, and stopped having this feeling. Now I’m getting it again, which means I’m bottling things up, but I don’t know where I put the bottle and I don’t know what’s in it.

I can’t deal with how I feel if I don’t feel anything. I want to feel some goddamn pain, maybe cry a little, maybe write a silly poem. I guess I never had to deal with this before, so I reverted to an old habit. GREAT, so now what? Shouldn’t I be having crazy mood swings where I am like laughing about a comic and then calling up a friend in tears  Shouldn’t I be crying onto some picture of Nora and I together, or some lame bullshit like that?

I think I should. But I don’t really care. How do I make myself care? I know I should.