31 December, 2007

happy new year

I hope my computer doesn't crash when it changes to 2008, like all those computers back in 2000

30 December, 2007

Christian values

So many Christian values are good. So many of them! Yet they pollute themselves with terrible ones at the same time? Why?

I went to Catholic mass today, as always when my Grandma is over on a Sunday. The reading today was Ephesians something, and here is the wisdom that it had to offer:

Wives should be subordinate to their husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is head of his wife just as Christ is head of the church, he himself the savior of the body. As the church is subordinate to Christ, so wives should be subordinate to their husbands in everything.

This makes me angry. Yes I know it is in the bible and the bible is kept intact to preserve tradition (actually, even the Torah we know today is less than 2000 years old, but most people don't know that, so never mind). So keep the bible intact! Whatever! But why do we read passages like this DURING CHURCH, when there are impressionable children all over the place? Why do we read them EVER?

My dad told me that Christians like to put a modern spin on things like this. So, "Wives should be subordinate to their husbands" actually means "Wives should obey their own inner nature." Sorry dad, and sorry to any proponents of this idea, but "Wives should be subordinate to their husbands" is plain English, and is perfectly clear in meaning. If the bible meant your translation, why doesn't it say that, and much more importantly, WHY DON'T YOU READ THAT IN CHURCH?

Because every wife, husband, and child in church today heard the "un-translated" version, without the benefit of your modern take.

Christianity has a lot of good points, and believes in a lot of good things. But it is so polluted by bad things. Why is it this way? I once heard someone argue that this is true of all religions, and that is bullshit. It is not true of Buddhism, or Jainism, to name a couple. If a religion is attempting to create a moral standard, it should be perfect. Humans cannot be perfect, but religions can, so by God let's make our religions perfect.

Ugh. Go back and reread today's reading. And people wonder why our society is still sexist. I know I attack Christianity a lot, but that doesn't make me wrong.

12 December, 2007

Once I get Photoshop back, I'll go back to comic posts.

09 December, 2007

21 November, 2007

Meditating

So, lately I've been doing a lot of something like meditating. I've been separating myself from my viewpoint, and watching the world as it is. Here are my thoughts.

The "real world" as it were is hard to describe to someone who hasn't seen it. I'll do my best. Nobody is ever really there. For example, you are at your computer, perhaps in your house. Yet, you don't feel like you're in your house, and whether or not you're by your computer means little to you. You've probably got all kinds of crazy shit going on in your life. But really, what is it?

Assuming you're a student, you've got exams to study for and papers to write. What are those? The exams haven't even been printed yet, so what are they? Your papers are concepts in one human's (your) head. Or, if you're ahead of the game (I just lost the game, and so did you), it is taking up a few kilobytes on a hard disk inside your computer.

What does the paper have to do with anything? Imagine you have nothing to do with any of this now. You're a rock, on one of the moons off of Mars. Now what do these exams and papers mean to you? What about the life you're trying to build? Yeah, I guess the point is that it seems insignificant, like people say.

But I don't like that word. Insignificant implies that it is small compared to the universe. When I do this, it seems completely fake. There is no meaning behind the paper or the exam. How I do in college has no effect. If I succeed in uniting the planet, and saving the human race, it wouldn't carry any meaning.

With Physics, we still don't completely understand the way objects move. There are a few known forces of attraction (magnetism, gravity, etc), and the one we understand the least is gravity. But that applies mainly to rocks. Sometimes these rocks get very very hot, and they sometimes explode with such extremity that very heavy elements like gold are created, but they are only rocks.

Now, us, we are humans, and that makes us more important (namely because we are us, and we are not rocks). How do we move? Rocks move very predictably, following laws of physics. We move of our own accord, given stored-up energy that we collect and save. What is this energy? Why does it let us move, but not rocks? How come we can store it, but rocks can't? What does it mean to be conscious?

We are made up of the same neutrons, protons, and electrons as any rock in the universe, as any star out there. Yet we are conscious. How does that make us different? How is a dead body different from a living one?

When a teacher walks into a classroom, and informs the class that they are to walk into the hall, and they do, what just happened? A group of rocks were all sitting still in a room, and suddenly at the same time, they all stopped sitting and neatly filed out of the room, after some sound-waves hit them.

The answer isn't the professor, or the students. It isn't the sound-waves, or the sounds they made. It is the meaning behind the sounds the professor made. But what is that meaning? Where is it? The professor is there. The students are there. The sound is there. All that is real. The meaning is not. Yet, this nonexistent meaning was enough to drive every single person out of that room.

What. The. Fuck. Is. Going. On.

I feel like I've stumbled on something important, but look at me. I'm hitting a bunch of buttons on a laptop, and staring at the screen in front of me. You're staring at a different screen, yet going through the same thought process as I am.

I am not naïve enough to ask what it all means. None of you can answer that question, no one has ever answered that question (save the many cop-outs). Here is how I feel:

I want to know what it feels like to be a violin. Violins are pieces of wood, with a perpendicular piece of unattached wood, held in place by several strings of metal. They are pulled so tight that there are actually thousands of pounds of pressure on the smaller piece of wood (the bridge). A violin never gets a break. People don't take all the strings off for a while to let the violin rest. That is actually a bad idea, because the sound-post could fall out.

So imagine being a violin. How about one of those really old beautiful violins. I doubt they have ever been given a break. They have gone centuries under almost constant pressure from their strings. How does that feel? It doesn't, of course. Violins aren't alive. But what does that mean? When wood bends and snaps under pressure, is it not in agony?

I don't get it. I guess it doesn't matter. I guess nothing matters, and that's the point. But we all know that isn't true. I have feelings. I have feelings enough to have written this long damn post. I want to know what it's all about. "Nothing" isn't enough. I always feel like I am so close to getting it, but I'm never there. It is like when someone asks you the name of an actor, and their name is forever on the tip of your tongue.

I hate that feeling. Everyone hates that feeling. Right now, let me step forward and talk about me. I don't like my life right now. I am not doing well, I am not going to be doing well, my life feels unfulfilling, and I am very unhappy. I am stressed to the point of agony, and thus feel a lot of sympathy for my violin. I feel like we have something in common.

I hate my life right now. That sounds depressing, but I'm not depressed. I very rationally hate what my has become, and what it will be, at least for the next few years. I hate knowing the sacrifices people have made for me to become this way, so I can't stop, I have to keep going, because they matter more than I do.

So, for any (the two) of you who have been loyally checking up on this blog, wondering if I'll post again, that is how I feel. I feel dead. I feel old. I feel tired. I feel bored. I am done playing this game, but the game isn't over. I want to leave this party, but I promised I'd stay for several more hours. I'm ready to go, but I've nowhere to go but where I am, and I don't like where I am. Either I stay where I am, or I leave, alone and without a destination.

The choice is obvious. (this is long, if you get to this point, let me know and I'll give you candy for actually reading this far) I'll stay put, and do what I have to. My pain doesn't matter. It isn't real. My body isn't in pain (although it is hungry). Why does it matter? School isn't real. None of this is real. It is all this elaborate fantasy that has been developed over aeons. It is all a game, and like I said, I'm bored and I'm done playing. I know how the movie will end, and that spoils the movie. I want to go home, only there's no such thing.

What should I do? I know what I will do: I'll keep playing. I'll keep playing until I die. I'll finish school, maybe even do well. I'll unite the world in peace, or, failing that, become a successful businessman. Or maybe a failure of a businessman? Who knows, it is so exciting. Mystery. Drama. Suspense. Will I succeed. Yeah this movie sucks.

Anyway, I'll have kids, eventually have enough money to comfortably retire, and I'll be too old to really enjoy myself, and I'll have doomed my children to the same life.

That is what I will do. Is it what I should do?

Love,
Matt

09 November, 2007

Follow up on AllofMP3

So Allofmp3 is gone. Sad? WRONG!

Yeah so apparently when they got sued they put up a new site that is COMPLETELY DIFFERENT from Allofmp3 (for example, it has a different colour scheme and a different company name). THE ONLY THING that is similar is that you can log in with your Allofmp3 account and use your Allofmp3 account balance.

:D

27 October, 2007

All of mp3!!

Back in July, allofmp3.com was finally sued by the music industry, and went offline, but apparently they won the court case and will go back online any time now, I am so happy!

For more info, here is an article from the Independent.

14 October, 2007

Curious.

I have not updated this for months. Does anybody click the link to this blog just in case anymore? Or is my blog dead? I guess I am asking for a "sound off" to see if anybody is still here. Anybody?

Anyway, I will probably start updating here more come 2008, and not until then.

Love,
Matt

18 June, 2007

Dangit Apple, dangit


Apple is releasing the next version of its OS X, and it isn't very good. I just went through the new features and gave them prices according to what I would pay for shareware that would accomplish the same thing:

$0 — The new desktop is prettier. I would download a free thing that did this, but I would not pay for it.
$0 — The new finder looks like all the new features I didn't like about iTunes.
$15 — Quick Look looks like a really cool idea. I would not pay $20 for it.
$10 — Time Machine also looks neat, but I doubt I'd use it much, and it isn't worth more than $10 to me.
$0 — Spaces is already a free program that I could (and purposely don't) have.
$10 — The new Apple Mail has the notes and to do lists, and the improved address book. Total, that is $10 to me.
$0 — I do not use iChat because I do not talk to people online, plus I do not have a webcam.
$0 — iCal would be cool, but I use Google Calendar, making it useless to me.
$0 — The "new" dashboard is not really improved.
$0 — I don't care about Safari (plus I can get it free whether or not I get Leopard).
$0 — I don't have a Mactel, so Boot Camp means nothing to me.
$0 — Parental Controls, Photo Booth, Front Row, DVD Player, handicapped stuff and Automator still mean nothing to me, and I do not want to pay for anything that they do.
$5 — To be fair, I will assume there are $5 worth of something cool that is not advertised.


The price to upgrade is $130. This is $90 more than I am willing to pay. If you pay me $10, I will not take $100 out of my bank and then burn it. The problem is that as time goes on, more and more stuff will not be available on OS 10.4, and I am going to be forced to get 10.5 for that reason.

The question is, is that inconvenience worth $90 to me? The answer is no, it is not worth it. I am just annoyed that the inconvenience will be there at all. I would be happy to pay $40 for 10.5. Hell, I would even pay $50. But I would not pay $60, let alone $130. Fuck you, Apple.

31 May, 2007

28 May, 2007

Grrr

Man I hate it when my mom is in a bad mood because it spreads through the house and they both take it out on either me or my brother. And right now my brother isn't home. Man I don't want to be in my house right now, but all my friends are with their families so I've nowhere to go. Blegh.

Oh man!

So here I was, all about to type a normal dang old blog entry, when I remembered my promise from long ago.


The past few days have been pretty uneventful, actually.


But I have been doing Bagua and a little bit of psychology reading.


My last psych experiment is tomorrow, and then I never have to do another psych experiment ever again, which is pretty great.


Otherwise, I've mainly been hanging out with friends and going to Washtenaw Dairy. I mainly hang out with Jesse, but also did hang out with Kevin Buchman and Jake L-P. Tomorrow I might hang out with an elementary school friend of mine named Joshua Shelvin.


I really really really miss my girlfriend right now, and have been missing her basically since she got on the bus to NYC. It is occurring to me more and more that I would completely suck at long-distance relationships. Nora, I miss you!


She gets back on Friday, so woohoo for Friday.


Anyway, I am done with this blogging, so see you later everybody!

25 May, 2007

The joys of being too skinny

I just spent the last 5-10 minutes lifting up my shoulders and putting my hands underneath my collarbone, and now my back hurts a little.

: (

24 May, 2007

ANGST

Well, not really angst at all. I'm not depressed, just scared. Okay, let's see:

I am currently taking Psychology as a summer class. I hope to get an A, because that will help get me into the Organizational Studies programme here at UM. I want to be in that program so that I can learn to run an organization, and than create an organization that will take over the world and unite it in peace, under a really cool government that I would love to talk about some other time.

Meanwhile, did you guys know that in the next 20-30 years, a lot of the human race is going to die out because most of the world will be flooded? (The heat of global warming causes water to expand, etc etc.) After that, we will be covered in a variety of crazy weird weather that we have never had to face before, which will kill off even more of us. Also, on top of that, very very soon there is going to be a huge outbreak of the flu that will kill off a lot of us right away.

Now, we still can do something about this as it is not too late yet. And it is fortunately becomming more mainstream to care about global warming. But if we do escape global warming, in the next 15 years, thousand-dollar computers will be smarter than humans in every way (yes, every way—we actually have creative computers already). Will there be any point in me even being here?

The computer thing doesn't worry me so much because it is too hard to imagine what will happen, but the global warming thing? Scary.

Not because of all the death. No, if it were immanent, I would just be doing all I could to enjoy my last years alive. I mean, death is immanent in general, so what? But I am scared because I have no idea what will happen. Will we fix it just in time? I don't know. I can't even guess. I don't mind not knowing, but I hate not being able to guess.

Ten years ago, I wanted to be a math teacher. I didn't think I'd have to deal with any of this. I didn't even know it was a problem.

Eight years ago, it was 1999 and someone said, "Hey, waitaminute, what about all the computers set with two-digit years?" One year ahead of time. Sure, it ended up not being a problem, but it could have been, and frankly, I find it terrifying that it can take intelligent humans to notice something so potentially dangerous.

I'm not depressed. I'm not angry. I maybe feel a little gypped. But I definitely am scared. Not terrified, just scared. I don't like not knowing. Well, I'm okay with not knowing, but I hate being completely clueless.

And what am I supposed to do? Go to protests? Vote? Switch my major to Environmental Studies? Cover my eyes and continue to rape the planet like there's no tomorrow? Open my eyes and try to enjoy myself as best I can, knowing there's nothing I can do? Is there something I can do?

I'm scared. I know I should try to enjoy myself, because I really don't want to die regretting not enjoying myself, however I die. I'm not afraid of dying, but I'm afraid of not knowing whether or not I will have children, and if I do, whether they will live to be older than 10.

That's scary. I'm scared. I have good reason to be scared. I feel like a rat that has been released into the centre of a room with no walls or cover in sight. I feel like I need to do something, but nothing I do will change the situation I am in.

I'm not at a loss for what to do, I'm just scared. Very, very, very scared.

And it's fucking scary.

22 May, 2007

TRAIN OF THOUGHT

For a couple seconds I started thinking that I probably annoy my readers by rarely posting, but then I remembered that I only have two (2) readers, and they don't care.

Anyway, here is all the smut I can write while I wait for Nora to call me:

"I'm home," called Dodger, real name Dan Dunker, nickname Dodger. He got that nickname while he was fighting in the great war, and he has never been the same since then.

Heather was wearing the clothes that Dodger liked it when she wore them. She was wearing the special-shirt, and a skirt. Dodger knew that they would be making a miracle very soon.

"I am glad that you are home, Dodger," said Heather to Dodger. "I hope you did not have a hard day, but if you did, I am here to make it become easy."

Dodger knew what that meant.

***TIME LAPSE TO THE SEX***

Dodger held Heather's buttocks like a Greek God would hold two rocks. At this point, there were no problems in the world.* Heather moaned with sexual delight as Dodger did that thing he does with his tongue. The only thing he could think right now was how happy he was (he was very happy because he was having sex).

After ten, maybe eleven minutes of making out, it was time for the miracle. Dodger pulled out his penis. His penis was very big because of the war, and that was how Heather liked it (big). She unbuttoned his shirt (the only piece of clothing left except for Heather's necklace, which belonged to her grandmother long ago), looking at his broad muscular chest, with a big scar from the war (barbed wire).

OKAY I'M DONE GOODBYE
________
*There were problems, actually, but they could not think of any. It would have been better for me to say "At this point, there were problems in the world"

19 May, 2007

Where am I according to Dante?

I personally think I would likelier be in a flaming tomb with the heretics in the sixth circle in the city of Dis, but I guess I am mainly virtuous enough that this quiz deemed me a virtuous pagan instead. If all this is true and this is a good quiz, I hope it is right because living in Elysium for eternity would be fucking sweet.

The Dante's Inferno Test has sent me to the First Level of Hell - Limbo!
Here is how I matched up against all the levels:
LevelScore
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)Very High
Level 2 (Lustful)Low
Level 3 (Gluttonous)Very Low
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)Very Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)Very High
Level 7 (Violent)Moderate
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)Low

Take the Dante's Divine Comedy Inferno Test

12 May, 2007

64 People

I need to come up with 64 civilizations each with a strength and a fatal weakness. So I need to come up with 64 strengths/weaknesses. Hm. I guess I could come up with 8 things for a civilization to be weak or strong in, and I could mix and match, making 64. That would make 8 hypocritical societies, among other things, which would be pretty cool. And it would be pretty easy to do this with the 8 trigrams, and figure out hexagrams that way.

And so my book begins.

03 May, 2007

My new mission

For the rest of my life, I will do my best to return all the pennies on the ground to their rightful places in the take-a-penny-leave-a-penny jars of small stores.

19 April, 2007

Autumn!

I'll be living in 337 Anderson, and will have this schedule. I have two exams tomorrow, so that's all for now, friends!

31 March, 2007

One thing that really does piss me off

"I didn't want to go to the party, so I didn't go."

"You didn't want to? That is so laaaaaame."

Fucker, I didn't want to go to the party. You were drunk. You did not notice that I was not there.

!

I made a really good decision tonight.

25 March, 2007

FYI

I am going to interrupt the silence of my blog by letting you all know that City of God is a really fucking awesome movie. Everybody should see it. If you have seen it, cool, you agree with me. If you haven't, it is time you did your duty. Good night.

19 March, 2007

Update

I really love my girlfriend, and my friends are pretty great.

I have a lot of schoolwork, I got promoted at work, and I manage to have some fun too.

The Libertines are still really good. All in all, I am having a pretty great life.

Looking forward to Friday.

That's pretty much it.

Matt

New music find

The Libertines. It's the first time in a while that I have listened to music, wanted to listen to something else, but not changed because I was really enjoying what I was hearing. Not bad, not bad at all.

28 February, 2007

A demain

Je ne sais pas pourquoi, mais maintenant il faut que j'écrive en français. Actualement, je n'ai pas beaucoup à écrire. Je suis vraiment fatigué, et je dois écrire mes disertations pour le fac des affaires, et j'ai besoin d'écrire une lettre à ma correspondante française. Bon nuit tout le monde!

20 February, 2007

Heh

Man I have this awesome idea about how I could turn this into such a cool blog, and it involves pictures among other things. But since I don't even have time to update the words in this blog regularly, pictures would be going too far. Maybe in May.

15 February, 2007

Cool concept of the day

Traveling like a king who gave up his kingdom.

13 February, 2007

Converted to FireFox

Why? Because it's faster? Because all the Google stuff works? Because all the internet works? No, no, no.

I converted because of an Achewood comic.

Also just now I finished a French oral exam. Earlier, I had a listening comprehension exam, and a test on vocab. Hat trick!

Oh, and to explain the FireFox thing, my Google home page now has that logo on it. This is the kind of thing FireFox can do. Oh hellz FireFox.

Also happy Saint Valentine's Day tomorrow? In French today, we went over like the 20-some ways to say "I love you" in French. One of them literally translates to "I will give you the moon." Anyway I have an Econ exam tomorrow and also math homework due, and on Thursday I have to write a French compo and translate an article. I will do these things now. Ready, steady, go!

05 February, 2007

Title of my newest spam message:

It is the sodium part of salt that is important.

16 January, 2007

You know?

I think I've been using my blog as a kind of friend-substitute until now. The entry a couple entries ago is what clued me into that. Anyway I am making friends now. I don't really feel the need to post here anymore. Maybe this will change, we'll see. But I mean, the only reason to post here is if I have no one to talk to, and now I have people to talk to. Pretty much all the time. And a girlfriend who lives in the same building who I can say anything to. And there's no crazy shit going on in our relationship so I don't need another friend to talk about that with.

Anyway, classes are super, etc etc, bye. (I actually just got really bored in the middle of that sentence, and I am going to get set for class instead of finishing it.)

13 January, 2007

Too busy to update

Not really, but there is generally something else I'd rather do. Either I am going on a blog lapse, or this is the end of my blog. Or I will change my mind tomorrow and start updating more-than-daily again. We'll see. In any case, I'm having a good, fun, and hella busy time. Matt OUT

09 January, 2007

Man

Why the hell am I so unstable lately. I really don't like that. You know, maybe I should meditate. I bet that would be really good for me. I haven't meditated on my own for a long time. Yeah, I'll do that right now.

08 January, 2007

Woooooo

I am really enjoying today so far. Is so busy.

Oh and for some conclusion to the previous post I walked to the VA Hospital and back and then talked to Nora for a long time. Nora is better than you, blog. BETTER. Don't worry I still love you though. But not nearly as much as Nora. Anyway I have another class. Man I am DIGGING being this busy. Awesome!

06 January, 2007

Just kind of getting worse

Man you know my whole thing where I am feeling all kinds of stressed out for no apparent reason? It seemed to be getting better over the past few days, but now it's back worse than ever before. I feel really horrible right now.

You know, it's real nice to have a blog. Before now, I would basically have to deal with my problems on my own without anywhere to vent them. I mean, I have plenty of friends who will listen, but I don't want to be around a bunch of friends when I'm upset. But I can always just write in my blog. Maybe people will read the post, maybe not. No worries either way. It's really cool. But yeah, about 20 minutes ago I got hit with the sudden depression thing, and I really need to do something about that.

Anyway, I think I'm going to see how far I can walk. Bye.

04 January, 2007

First Day Back

It is mainly awesome because I am listening to CURANDERO right now.

02 January, 2007

Darkroom

I won, goodnight

Only 20 minutes left!

Time flies when you're mplgghgphlbhg

I guess I want to go to sleep but I can't?

I am tired but I have to stay up for another hour because of ebay. Nora gets home in 24 hours or so, which will be great.

Right now I feel really drained. Tired, even. Yeah, I just am tired. Those of you who have seen me when I am tired know that when I am tired I am very melancholy and pensive and sad. Those of you who know me know that I am actually none of these things, I just want to be in bed and asleep instead of awake and on the internet. I don't think there is anything interesting left on the internet.

I don't really want to be on the internet, I don't want to read a book, I don't want to play a game, I don't want to hang out with a friend (except maybe Simon or Nora or Gynelle), I don't want to be writing here, I want to close my eyes and keep them that way. I hate it when basically the only thing I can do is waste time. I mean, I waste time like anybody else, I am always getting my time waste on, but right now I am tired. Here is a poem about how I want to go to sleep. Perhaps writing this poem will keep me entertained:

I lay in bed, the sky is dark,
The movie's over, and my eyes
Are closing as my brain embarks
On dreams but no! to its surprise

I force them open, make them focus
On the bright computer screen
With ebay open all aglow
And I the slave of this machine

Okay I'm getting bored writing this. Maybe some other time. I'm too tired for poetry. Agrlauhrbgbhrulauhrb

46 minutes 52 seconds.

Incidentally, 1 day, 18 minutes, and 12 seconds until Nora gets back.

AGH LET ME SLEEP

01 January, 2007

FIRST POST THIS YEAR

Simon is so hella cool. I cannot exaggerate how hella cool Simon is. It is not possible. He is fucking awesome. (We basically hung out and talked for an hour and a half.)