Can't sleep!

Actually I changed my mind. I found something that works really well for my problem.

Basically, my real issue is that I get into arguments with myself. As soon as I know the right thing to do, a part of me says "but I don't wanna" and another says "but it's what you should do" and then I go back and forth and eventually one side wins. If my tantrum side wins, I end up wasting time, and if my good side wins, I force myself to do whatever it is.

This is how I've always done things. And that's part of the problem. So I talked to Haju the other day about it and she said to treat my problem like it was a crying baby. I can't ignore the problem or push it away or yell at it, because that'll just make the baby cry more. Instead I have to give it some positive attention and calm it down. So I tried it today when I got up. I saw some clothes that have been on the floor for a couple days.

Voice 1: You really should pick those up
Voice 2: I don't wanna!
Voice 1: Don't worry, it'll be okay, you can pick them up
Voice 2: Okay

And then I did it. And for the first time in my life, I didn't have to force myself. I actually wanted to. This may sound pretty dumb to you, but seriously, for me, that's huge.

And the same thing continued all day, with the same immediate result. And like I said, it isn't a new way of forcing myself to do something, it's actually a way for me to stop being childish and to actually want to do it.

Of course, I should wait a week before I go on about how great it is. Another problem is that whenever I get on a roll, I fall down a couple days later. But if this continues, then shit. I'm ready for college. Shit shit shit! (the good kind of shit)

I am so excited about this right now (which might have something to do with why I can't sleep).

I'm hoping that the computer screen will tire out my eyes, which can't seem to close. Anyway, I will keep this updated on how I do. Right now though, I am pumped! Seriously, I'm a smart guy, and if I can get past my not wanting to work, and get to the point where I always want to work, I will be unstoppable! I will be a lean mean Matt machine! I will be seven dollars! I am seven dollars! I will always be seven dollars! I will love you forever seven dollars!

. . . I wonder what I would be like if I smoked the reefer and then got really tired. You would not want to be around to see that.