The obligatory depressed/philosophical post one makes after changing a lot and then experiencing a few weeks of hanging out with old friends

To be clear, I am not basing this off of my hanging out with Asya and James today. It is based off of the month I've been back.

I have changed. I think this is important to face. I've changed on a pretty deep level. On a surface level I'm still the same. My writing style is the same. My sense of humour hasn't changed. None of my values have changed. Et cetera. But I myself have changed a lot in a way that I have trouble describing (by "trouble" I mean I can't describe it at all. It's pretty major though, really).

In changing I've grown apart from all my old friends, and I just don't really feel the same connection, even with Simon or Gynelle. I can only blame this on my hair to a very low degree, and not at all to Gynelle and Simon, since they met me when my hair was like this.

I can say "well it is weird for them to see me after not seeing me for a while" but seriously three months is not a long period of time.

At all.

Should I worry about losing friends? I'm not sure what I mean by losing friends. I'm not sure if it even does mean anything. I like the person I've become, yet I feel a need to go back to who I was when I'm around my friends so that we relate better, but this just makes things awkward.

I'm not actually depressed (yet). Just thoughtful and confused about whether I should be worried. On one hand, losing close friends would suck, but I mean, if we actually don't relate anymore, then it is silly to be friends. On the other hand, can I really have changed enough that I don't relate to my closest friends? Is it just my trying to combine personalities? Would it even suck to lose close friends if we don't relate anymore? I guess it would, since it'd leave me alone. But not really, since I've got the temple and my family. But that isn't the same. Is it?

On another hand, I could be overreacting. But then again, this is something I noticed the first time I hung out with anybody, and every subsequent time. Actually, I noticed it especially when I hung out with closer friends. I don't want to pretend that I'm the only person that goes through shit like this, but if anyone would like to give me advice, or let me know they care, or something, now would be a very good time to do this.

The options I'm considering are (a) just keep doing what I'm doing and hope it gets better, (b) cut myself off pretty much and get on more or less on my own, or (c) something in between. I'm leaning toward (c) right now, since the middle path is generally always a good answer. But I'm not entirely sure what (c) means. I just know that (a) is not working out and (b) might just make things worse.

Once again, I'm not really in a problem, per se. I'm just feeling weird and confused, and would love to hear from anybody who has insight into this kind of thing.

Thanks,
Matt