29 December, 2008
It will be cool when people get back
I’d really like to hang out with someone, even over the phone. But everybody is always busy. I wish someone would call me. Interrupting people’s movies and bar visits is getting old.
The railroad bulls are blind
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains there's a land that's fair and bright
Where the handouts grow on bushes and you sleep out every night
Where the boxcars are all empty and the sun shines every day
On the birds and the bees and the cigarette trees
Where the lemonade springs where the bluebird sings
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains
Where the handouts grow on bushes and you sleep out every night
Where the boxcars are all empty and the sun shines every day
On the birds and the bees and the cigarette trees
Where the lemonade springs where the bluebird sings
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains
28 December, 2008
27 December, 2008
Okay nevermind
After a good-night’s rest (actually I’m not sure that I slept at all) I feel a lot worse.
I need to be careful about how I handle this. My natural response is to figure out a way to never go through this again, but the only way to do that is to never get attached to someone again. That isn’t a road I should go down.
Now would probably be a good time to go back to my Buddhist practice. I can’t think of a more effective way to clear myself of attachments, and that is probably the best thing to do.
Man, dangit, I mean, dang, you know? Ugh.
I need to be careful about how I handle this. My natural response is to figure out a way to never go through this again, but the only way to do that is to never get attached to someone again. That isn’t a road I should go down.
Now would probably be a good time to go back to my Buddhist practice. I can’t think of a more effective way to clear myself of attachments, and that is probably the best thing to do.
Man, dangit, I mean, dang, you know? Ugh.
Dang man.
So Nora and I are breaking up. This is my first time ever going through this. I don’t know what to do, really.
I don’t feel very bad, because I know things will end up fine. I mean, we still like each other etc, and I mean all it takes is some time to heal this, and either we’ll start going out again or I’ll find someone else. Of course it’ll end all right.
You know that feeling you get when you know you’re missing something? That nagging sensation? Yet you’re unable to put your finger on what you don’t have. That is exactly how I feel right now. Exactly.
That said, I’m sure I have some really hard nights ahead of me.
I hope this heals quickly, as opposed to, you know, slowly.
I don’t feel very bad, because I know things will end up fine. I mean, we still like each other etc, and I mean all it takes is some time to heal this, and either we’ll start going out again or I’ll find someone else. Of course it’ll end all right.
You know that feeling you get when you know you’re missing something? That nagging sensation? Yet you’re unable to put your finger on what you don’t have. That is exactly how I feel right now. Exactly.
That said, I’m sure I have some really hard nights ahead of me.
I hope this heals quickly, as opposed to, you know, slowly.
23 December, 2008
Internet rules?
Are there any websites that cover basic guidelines for websites? I mean, I know there's w3.org, but they are a bit techy. And I'm not talking about rule 34 and rule 1, etc. on ED either.
I mean basic rules like “content areas of your website should have a white background with black text, and links should be blue and underlined.” “Never require any information about a user unless your site contains features that only make sense for individual users, or your website is a porn site.” “Do not use a sitemaker program—learn html it is easy.” “etc.”
If there aren’t any, I might make one. See if anybody notices.
I mean basic rules like “content areas of your website should have a white background with black text, and links should be blue and underlined.” “Never require any information about a user unless your site contains features that only make sense for individual users, or your website is a porn site.” “Do not use a sitemaker program—learn html it is easy.” “etc.”
If there aren’t any, I might make one. See if anybody notices.
21 December, 2008
20 December, 2008
To page this person, press 5
When you call my phone, you will no longer hear that. Unfortunately, you will still hear “Please leave a message after the tone. When you are finished recording, hang up, or press 1 for more options.”
Man, removing the page thing was a hassle, and it wasn’t even the bulk of the message. I had to go to a menu item under administration called “cut through paging” or something and I disabled paging completely. If only there were a way to disable the message. That is all I waaaant!
Man, removing the page thing was a hassle, and it wasn’t even the bulk of the message. I had to go to a menu item under administration called “cut through paging” or something and I disabled paging completely. If only there were a way to disable the message. That is all I waaaant!
19 December, 2008
New phone update
Who knew you could just go to AT&T and just ask for a different phone and they would give you a different one? I changed it out for the much more beautiful Pantech Breeze, which is a phone designed for the elderly and handicapped.
Think about it—this means it must have a great user-interface and good sound quality. These are all I care about!
Anyway my new phone’s current name is Francis McDrunk. If things go well over the next couple weeks I will upgrade it to Francis McPatrick.
Think about it—this means it must have a great user-interface and good sound quality. These are all I care about!
Anyway my new phone’s current name is Francis McDrunk. If things go well over the next couple weeks I will upgrade it to Francis McPatrick.
My new phone
Based on reviews I've read and the 10 minutes I've spent poking around on the phone, its current name is Fuckface McDrunk. If it surprises me and does well, I will upgrade its name. If it surprises me by going lower than my already-low expectations, I will downgrade its name. Otherwise, go ahead and call me and you will hear me talking on Fuckface McDrunk.
I have to get a new phone :(
I really like this old phone. It has served me very well and has never failed at the simple, most important task of allowing me to talk to people who are not physically close to me.
Phone, you have never waivered in doing a good job. You are falling apart, yet your battery is good as ever. You get wonderful reception all the time (even sometimes in Jesse’s basement). You do not force me to have a stupid instructional phrase at the end of my voice mail, informing people that they can page me by pressing 5.
Phone, you are practical. You are everything anyone could want in a phone, and nothing else. Your internet connection sucks, your camera sucks, your features suck. This is nice, because it does not distract me from your actual purpose (you are a phone, not a game boy).
You have an antenna that I can pull out. New phones do not. I don’t know why—maybe they are obsolete now. But I still like being able to have control over the reception.
Please give a moment of silence (5–10 seconds) for my wonderful phone.
I will get a new phone later today. I hope it serves me as well as you have. Even if it does, I will not forget the two years of quality service that you have given to me.
Yours,
Matt
Phone, you have never waivered in doing a good job. You are falling apart, yet your battery is good as ever. You get wonderful reception all the time (even sometimes in Jesse’s basement). You do not force me to have a stupid instructional phrase at the end of my voice mail, informing people that they can page me by pressing 5.
Phone, you are practical. You are everything anyone could want in a phone, and nothing else. Your internet connection sucks, your camera sucks, your features suck. This is nice, because it does not distract me from your actual purpose (you are a phone, not a game boy).
You have an antenna that I can pull out. New phones do not. I don’t know why—maybe they are obsolete now. But I still like being able to have control over the reception.
Please give a moment of silence (5–10 seconds) for my wonderful phone.
I will get a new phone later today. I hope it serves me as well as you have. Even if it does, I will not forget the two years of quality service that you have given to me.
Yours,
Matt
18 December, 2008
Web Design!
You know what feels awesome? Finishing up a page design, throwing it onto browsershots, and finding out that it works perfectly even in internet explorer 5.5! (and 6.0 and 7.0 and 8.0!)
I mean, it is a very simple design, but I have seen many a simple design fail these browsers.
Yaaaay!
I mean, it is a very simple design, but I have seen many a simple design fail these browsers.
Yaaaay!
17 December, 2008
Dieting
So I am looking into dieting. It is kind of fun because basically nowhere is geared toward the type of dieting I want to do (ie I need to eat more, not less). I should be getting 2,000–2,500 calories per day depending on how active I am, and normally I think I get about 1,000. That is very unhealthy!
So yeah, I need to double my food intake somehow. Meaning I am going to start trying to count calories, etc.
Calorie-counting is hard! It’s like, I get a big ten burrito. I don’t know how many calories are in there! Is there a website somewhere where you can just enter in amounts of ingrediants, and it gives you nutrition facts? I mean that would be super.
There are a lot of websites that offer calorie information, but it is based on something someone else filled out. For example, thedailyplate.com says a burrito is 300 calories. I don’t know if you’ve eaten a big ten burrito, but I would guess that there are well over double that amout in a big ten burrito.
Back to how I am unusual in the way I am doing this, it’s fun to see sites that say, like, “How to cut calories out of such and such.” They are everywhere. You never find anything that’s like, “looking for some extra calories? Put 2 lbs. swiss cheese on top of everything you eat!”
Do people really eat so much that they need to watch their calories? I am going to have a hard time making sure that I eat enough. I just find it unfathomable that most people not only eat double what I eat, but probably eat triple what I eat, because they need to cut back on their intake.
The other thing I need to look at is actual nutrition. I think I am going to try to drink 2 cans of ensure per day, so I won’t need vitamins. They will be good snacks in between meals. Also they are 350 calories, so that takes care of one third of my food. They would also cover half of my protein and have a lot of unsaturated fats. They also have a lot of sugar, so I shouldn’t eat a bunch of other sweet things.
I think I should make a huge amount of steel cut oats regularly. Like, in a stock pot. That way I would only need to heat up however much I wanted whenever I wanted it. Oats have like, mad fiber.
I also need to eat vegetables. I think I will eat in the cafeteria a couple times a week, and pile on vegetables when I do. Otherwise, I just need to start buying vegetables and cooking them.
Anyway I’m rambling at this point, so I’ll cut this off.
So yeah, I need to double my food intake somehow. Meaning I am going to start trying to count calories, etc.
Calorie-counting is hard! It’s like, I get a big ten burrito. I don’t know how many calories are in there! Is there a website somewhere where you can just enter in amounts of ingrediants, and it gives you nutrition facts? I mean that would be super.
There are a lot of websites that offer calorie information, but it is based on something someone else filled out. For example, thedailyplate.com says a burrito is 300 calories. I don’t know if you’ve eaten a big ten burrito, but I would guess that there are well over double that amout in a big ten burrito.
Back to how I am unusual in the way I am doing this, it’s fun to see sites that say, like, “How to cut calories out of such and such.” They are everywhere. You never find anything that’s like, “looking for some extra calories? Put 2 lbs. swiss cheese on top of everything you eat!”
Do people really eat so much that they need to watch their calories? I am going to have a hard time making sure that I eat enough. I just find it unfathomable that most people not only eat double what I eat, but probably eat triple what I eat, because they need to cut back on their intake.
The other thing I need to look at is actual nutrition. I think I am going to try to drink 2 cans of ensure per day, so I won’t need vitamins. They will be good snacks in between meals. Also they are 350 calories, so that takes care of one third of my food. They would also cover half of my protein and have a lot of unsaturated fats. They also have a lot of sugar, so I shouldn’t eat a bunch of other sweet things.
I think I should make a huge amount of steel cut oats regularly. Like, in a stock pot. That way I would only need to heat up however much I wanted whenever I wanted it. Oats have like, mad fiber.
I also need to eat vegetables. I think I will eat in the cafeteria a couple times a week, and pile on vegetables when I do. Otherwise, I just need to start buying vegetables and cooking them.
Anyway I’m rambling at this point, so I’ll cut this off.
16 December, 2008
Je dois écrire plus en français
C'est vraiment plus difficile pour moi d'écrire en français, et je pense que je n’utilise pas la meilleure grammaire.
J’ai gagné un “B+” en une de mes classes! Je m'attendais un “C” ou “C+,” donc je suis très heureux à ce moment. Youpi!
J’ai gagné un “B+” en une de mes classes! Je m'attendais un “C” ou “C+,” donc je suis très heureux à ce moment. Youpi!
Ma mère a trouvé mon blog!
C'est en peut bizarre, n'est-ce pas? Je ne sais pas si elle peut lire cette passage (parce-qu'elle est en français, bien-sûr). Salut maman, si vous lisez ceci!
11 December, 2008
Nathan Milstein
I dare you to name for me a single violinist who is greater than Nathan Milstein (you can’t).
09 December, 2008
07 December, 2008
spam
Why is spam worded the way it is (i.e. your manliness is to be d3termined by how many inches r inside your penis). Do spammers think I will be more likely to respond if they sound like total morons?
Math Homework is harder now
I have one of those splotchy 80-sheet notebooks for math homework. Two years ago, when I did my homework, I could fit 10–15 problems on a single sheet. Now I am fitting one problem on 2–5 sheets of paper.
It’s a good thing I enjoy it.
It’s a good thing I enjoy it.
05 December, 2008
GNALPRHGLPH
God DAMMIT my life is just FRUSTRATING as HELL right now
I mean things aren’t that bad in general it is just a combination of stress, lack of nourishment, “other,” and then my now-stronger-than-ever reflex to belittle all of my own feelings to the point where I feel like there is a fucking earthquake of anger going on in my belly. I mean, I actually feel rumbling!
I guess everybody has their own way of beating themselves up when they are angry as hell—I spent a good while quietly banging my head against the wall, and it has given me a splitting headache that I still have. I hope that’s gone tomorrow.
In a few weeks, I will feel so much better. I guess that’s something. But right now I am just angry as FUCK. I just want to make a huge double-sized piñata of myself and just start completely destroying it with a bat, a golf club, and a shovel. And when the piñata is unrecogizable I would just look at it and say “HI HOW ARE YOU MATT. ARE YOU DOING FINE ON THIS FINE DAY. TODAY IS FINE. I HOPE YOU ARE HAVING AS MUCH FUN AS I AM.” Then I guess I would step on any pieces of myself that weren’t completely destroyed.
PHGAGHLGRAPPGHARL! GNLPRNHPLRGNHP!!
I have work in 6 hours, I should see if I’m capable of falling asleep right now.
I mean things aren’t that bad in general it is just a combination of stress, lack of nourishment, “other,” and then my now-stronger-than-ever reflex to belittle all of my own feelings to the point where I feel like there is a fucking earthquake of anger going on in my belly. I mean, I actually feel rumbling!
I guess everybody has their own way of beating themselves up when they are angry as hell—I spent a good while quietly banging my head against the wall, and it has given me a splitting headache that I still have. I hope that’s gone tomorrow.
In a few weeks, I will feel so much better. I guess that’s something. But right now I am just angry as FUCK. I just want to make a huge double-sized piñata of myself and just start completely destroying it with a bat, a golf club, and a shovel. And when the piñata is unrecogizable I would just look at it and say “HI HOW ARE YOU MATT. ARE YOU DOING FINE ON THIS FINE DAY. TODAY IS FINE. I HOPE YOU ARE HAVING AS MUCH FUN AS I AM.” Then I guess I would step on any pieces of myself that weren’t completely destroyed.
PHGAGHLGRAPPGHARL! GNLPRNHPLRGNHP!!
I have work in 6 hours, I should see if I’m capable of falling asleep right now.
04 December, 2008
The Double-Armed Yawn
I was just thinking. Nobody actually wakes up in the morning and yawns with both arms. Maybe that is the secret to waking up properly. I hope I remember to try that tomorrow morning.
30 November, 2008
Wal-Mart
So apparently a Wal-Mart employee was trampled to death as eagre shoppers tore the doors off their hinges when the store opened.
It’s actually not the first time something like this has happened on a Black Friday. I don’t just feel that this is a sad reflection of our society’s lust for the material, but that it is horrible that stores as big as Wal-Mart continue to do nothing about it.
This was forseeable. It was even forseen. We aren’t going to change the way our culture is, but we can police crowds a little and enforce lines. People need to learn to queue up.
It’s actually not the first time something like this has happened on a Black Friday. I don’t just feel that this is a sad reflection of our society’s lust for the material, but that it is horrible that stores as big as Wal-Mart continue to do nothing about it.
This was forseeable. It was even forseen. We aren’t going to change the way our culture is, but we can police crowds a little and enforce lines. People need to learn to queue up.
26 November, 2008
“Album by Artist” sorting in iTunes
So there is nothing new about this feature; it has been around for quite a while. I don’t really understand the idea of not sorting like this, as it is alphabetical by artist, yet it organises albums in track order even if they have multiple artists. But for the longest time it didn’t work with one of my albums (8BP050—an awesome collection of 8-bit).
Of course I had the compilation option ticked. That is the usual issue, but not mine. Well I just figured it out: if you have this issue, make sure that the “Album Artist” field is empty for all the tracks in the album.
Of course I had the compilation option ticked. That is the usual issue, but not mine. Well I just figured it out: if you have this issue, make sure that the “Album Artist” field is empty for all the tracks in the album.
25 November, 2008
Therion is such a good band
I don’t know why it took me this long to get back into them. I should check out some of their newer albums (there have been at least 4 in the last 4 years).
24 November, 2008
I didn’t do horribly on my project!
Well, to be fair, yes I did. But my grade is only a little below average!
23 November, 2008
Robot protein
Apparently some computer scientists managed to simulate life on a computer, and let it evolve on its own, and it ended up forming life that was very similar to ours (it was based on something similar to protein or something like that—I don’t pretend to know what I’m talking about here).
The implications of this are pretty huge; it implies that all life (i.e. on other planets) evolves in a similar manner to ours. That said, it is possible that the way it was simulated was based on the setting on Earth all those years ago, in which case never mind the study doesn’t really say much at all.
But hey I think this stuff is pretty cool yeah
The implications of this are pretty huge; it implies that all life (i.e. on other planets) evolves in a similar manner to ours. That said, it is possible that the way it was simulated was based on the setting on Earth all those years ago, in which case never mind the study doesn’t really say much at all.
But hey I think this stuff is pretty cool yeah
22 November, 2008
Sexiled!
Hey all! Who of you have ever been sexiled from a dorm room? Did you know you can also be sexiled from a house? Even when there is no sex involved?
I know, it is pretty crazy, yet here I am, now versed in the knowledge that my gloves make a better pillow than my scarf.
Haha! Hahahahaha! Great fun!
fuck everybody
I know, it is pretty crazy, yet here I am, now versed in the knowledge that my gloves make a better pillow than my scarf.
Haha! Hahahahaha! Great fun!
fuck everybody
18 November, 2008
Ruckus Roboticus
All you fools that haven't listened to the Everlasting Ghettoblasting Gobstopper by Ruckus Roboticus best get on y'all's game now.
Serious. This shit is dope.
Serious. This shit is dope.
17 November, 2008
Stalin, the ussr, and the Hammer and Sickle
Why was history so nice to them? Stalin murdered tens of millions of his own people (I’ve seen estimates from 20–100 million people, compared with Hitler’s max of 11). The guy killed 8 million Ukrainians in one fucking year.
Plus he was sociopathic and paranoid. Now I’m not saying he was worse than Hitler—but I don’t think he was better either. I don’t think the two should really be compared. They killed different people for different reasons, so talking about who’s worse is a waste of time.
Yet, if somebody has a picture of Stalin on their wall, that is not seen as horrible. In fact, many Russians still consider the guy to be a hero. Imagine if Germans still considered Hitler a hero.
Moving onto the hammer-and-sickle. I view it exactly in the same light as a swastika. Why? Well, as the Nazis clung to the swastika, the Soviets clung to the hammer-and-sickle. Also, the hammer-and-sickle is a symbol that initially represented a very cool image (labour rising up), in the same way that the swastika is an ancient symbol representing change and impermanence. However, the hammer-and-sickle no longer means that, and now represents the ussr (as the swastika represents the Nazi party).
Trying to say the hammer-and-sickle represents the basic ideals of communism/socialism/revolution/etc. is like trying to say that the swastika represents a non-impoverished Germany, or that it is normal to die of the common cold. Perhaps you would be right if it were 85 years ago, but you are most certainly wrong now.
There are at least a few other images that represent revolution and proletariat uprising, just as there are many representing impermanence and change. Use those. If you are wearing a hammer-and-sickle because it is trendy, you are like the people who wear Che Guevara shirts when all they know about the man they got from watching the Motorcycle Diaries. In other words, if you are cool with being an idiot, whatever be my guest.
Back to Stalin, I think I have a good guess now I think about it. Stalin won. Hitler lost. Remember fairy tails? Good always wins and evil always loses. I guess we have these instincts that tell us that because Stalin was a winner, he must have been good, or at least not as bad as Hitler (the loser).
Well I have two words for you: Grow up, asshole.
Plus he was sociopathic and paranoid. Now I’m not saying he was worse than Hitler—but I don’t think he was better either. I don’t think the two should really be compared. They killed different people for different reasons, so talking about who’s worse is a waste of time.
Yet, if somebody has a picture of Stalin on their wall, that is not seen as horrible. In fact, many Russians still consider the guy to be a hero. Imagine if Germans still considered Hitler a hero.
Moving onto the hammer-and-sickle. I view it exactly in the same light as a swastika. Why? Well, as the Nazis clung to the swastika, the Soviets clung to the hammer-and-sickle. Also, the hammer-and-sickle is a symbol that initially represented a very cool image (labour rising up), in the same way that the swastika is an ancient symbol representing change and impermanence. However, the hammer-and-sickle no longer means that, and now represents the ussr (as the swastika represents the Nazi party).
Trying to say the hammer-and-sickle represents the basic ideals of communism/socialism/revolution/etc. is like trying to say that the swastika represents a non-impoverished Germany, or that it is normal to die of the common cold. Perhaps you would be right if it were 85 years ago, but you are most certainly wrong now.
There are at least a few other images that represent revolution and proletariat uprising, just as there are many representing impermanence and change. Use those. If you are wearing a hammer-and-sickle because it is trendy, you are like the people who wear Che Guevara shirts when all they know about the man they got from watching the Motorcycle Diaries. In other words, if you are cool with being an idiot, whatever be my guest.
Back to Stalin, I think I have a good guess now I think about it. Stalin won. Hitler lost. Remember fairy tails? Good always wins and evil always loses. I guess we have these instincts that tell us that because Stalin was a winner, he must have been good, or at least not as bad as Hitler (the loser).
Well I have two words for you: Grow up, asshole.
14 November, 2008
13 November, 2008
Actually the last post was kind of a lie
I am really upset right now. Who knows why! I basically feel ready to explode at any moment. I mean that is how I always feel when I bottle things up, which I guess I know I shouldn't do, but at this point I don't even know why I feel the way I do, or who I would talk to if I did.
Whatever it could be a lot worse. I am a middle class American boy with a good body and I don't have cancer or the HIV.
I guess that's the problem is that I don't really have anybody I feel like I can talk to right now. But I'll get better I always get better!
.
Whatever it could be a lot worse. I am a middle class American boy with a good body and I don't have cancer or the HIV.
I guess that's the problem is that I don't really have anybody I feel like I can talk to right now. But I'll get better I always get better!
.
Spam
So apparently some huge spam firm was shut down and email spam has decreased worldwide on average by about 70%. Cool! I mean, I was wondering why I was getting spammed suddenly a lot less.
That said, spammers will probably just move outside of North America where there's less scrutiny, and spam is expected to be back where it was somewhere between Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Speaking of Thanksgiving, I am so excited. Thanksgiving has been my favorite holiday for a long time. It's like, I eat a bunch of food with my two favorite families. No gifts, none of that bullshit, just basic family time. Awesome.
And lastly, I wrote a lengthy email to the captains at EQ, urging everyone to try to make EQ captains awesome again. Based on the last time I sent an email to all the captains where I opened up a little, I was really worried (I got completely shot down by everybody). But one person already responded really positively. I feel really good right now.
That said, spammers will probably just move outside of North America where there's less scrutiny, and spam is expected to be back where it was somewhere between Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Speaking of Thanksgiving, I am so excited. Thanksgiving has been my favorite holiday for a long time. It's like, I eat a bunch of food with my two favorite families. No gifts, none of that bullshit, just basic family time. Awesome.
And lastly, I wrote a lengthy email to the captains at EQ, urging everyone to try to make EQ captains awesome again. Based on the last time I sent an email to all the captains where I opened up a little, I was really worried (I got completely shot down by everybody). But one person already responded really positively. I feel really good right now.
12 November, 2008
Guess who’s doing well in school!
Actually I should rephrase that. Guess who will be able to salvage his grades in school, and end up with passing grades and be allowed to continue college!
This.
Guy.
Thisguy.
Yeah school isn't going great but it is a lot better now than ever before. I am slowly starting to reach my actual potential when it comes to getting things done. Nowhere near actually there, but you know what, when I am getting work done timely enough that I am doing my best on it, that will be enough.
That will be awesome. And I am getting there.
Optimism.
This.
Guy.
Thisguy.
Yeah school isn't going great but it is a lot better now than ever before. I am slowly starting to reach my actual potential when it comes to getting things done. Nowhere near actually there, but you know what, when I am getting work done timely enough that I am doing my best on it, that will be enough.
That will be awesome. And I am getting there.
Optimism.
07 November, 2008
I am pro–animal-testing
I bet that within the next half-century, we will gain a complete understanding of our own bodies. Naturally, we will be able to accurately simulate human reactions to anything with a computer. It probably wouldn't even be difficult to add the standard error and the triple-standard error, so as to get a complete view of our race in any circumstance.
Once we figure out how to do that, animal testing would become both too expensive and obsolete. We would stop because it would be stupid.
For now though, we can't do that, and animal testing provides the most accurate estimates we can get. I place human lives above animal lives, and animal testing has saved countless human lives (like, I bet you wouldn't be alive right now if it weren't for animal testing—I mean, chances are).
So yeah, animal testing is cruel, and that sucks, but I would rather animals die in labs than humans die of diseases. I think that anybody who disagrees with me does not place human lives above animal lives, and therefore we have nothing to argue about. We just disagree.
If you asked a snake if it valued snakes more than non-snakes, I betcha it would. Difference is, snakes are not in a position to act on that preference. Humans are in that position, etc., etc., qed.
Once we figure out how to do that, animal testing would become both too expensive and obsolete. We would stop because it would be stupid.
For now though, we can't do that, and animal testing provides the most accurate estimates we can get. I place human lives above animal lives, and animal testing has saved countless human lives (like, I bet you wouldn't be alive right now if it weren't for animal testing—I mean, chances are).
So yeah, animal testing is cruel, and that sucks, but I would rather animals die in labs than humans die of diseases. I think that anybody who disagrees with me does not place human lives above animal lives, and therefore we have nothing to argue about. We just disagree.
If you asked a snake if it valued snakes more than non-snakes, I betcha it would. Difference is, snakes are not in a position to act on that preference. Humans are in that position, etc., etc., qed.
05 November, 2008
yayyyy
To quote some guy I saw maybe 15 minutes ago, “I am looking at everything and I only see one of shit, which means I am not drunk yet.”
30 October, 2008
Smily icon
It is amazing to me how you can write a really scathing, mean thing to somebody and then end it with :) or ;P or whatever, and they won't get upset at all. Do people really get that complacent when they see a smile? Really?
Also, when I spend a really long time doing statistics, I begin to wonder why we work that way. It's like, grab a random human, and you can't be sure how he or she will act. But grab 500, and you know exactly how they will act.
You don't know which ones will do what, but you know how many people will do what. You hear a lot of people arguing that we are individuals and sociology is bullshit, but damn. If everybody had truly free will, wouldn't we be less predictable?
Or would we? Do any of the 3 people who read this believe in free will? Please explain why you think this way.
Cheers.
Also, when I spend a really long time doing statistics, I begin to wonder why we work that way. It's like, grab a random human, and you can't be sure how he or she will act. But grab 500, and you know exactly how they will act.
You don't know which ones will do what, but you know how many people will do what. You hear a lot of people arguing that we are individuals and sociology is bullshit, but damn. If everybody had truly free will, wouldn't we be less predictable?
Or would we? Do any of the 3 people who read this believe in free will? Please explain why you think this way.
Cheers.
Actual “Matt’s Life” update post!
Hey friends!
Welcome to an episode of Matt’s Life!
Actually I shouldn't write this post because I have homework.
Thank you for being a part of today’s episode of Matt’s Life!
Welcome to an episode of Matt’s Life!
Actually I shouldn't write this post because I have homework.
Thank you for being a part of today’s episode of Matt’s Life!
23 October, 2008
12 October, 2008
Hi Molly
HI MOLLY!
Okay so anyway today I have mixed feelings about my life because I am starting to fall behind in my homework. I am still on top of everything, but I am less on top of everything than I used to be, and am getting dangerously close to getting into a situation.
But I think I can make it right, so that's good.
That is my blog post for today!
Oh, and I am getting into typesetting. Check back soon (in two months) and I will post a pdf file that is well-typeset. Exciting!!
Okay so anyway today I have mixed feelings about my life because I am starting to fall behind in my homework. I am still on top of everything, but I am less on top of everything than I used to be, and am getting dangerously close to getting into a situation.
But I think I can make it right, so that's good.
That is my blog post for today!
Oh, and I am getting into typesetting. Check back soon (in two months) and I will post a pdf file that is well-typeset. Exciting!!
12 September, 2008
I like this way of looking at it
There is such a thing as a stupid question, and they are the easiest to answer.
04 August, 2008
Ellipses
The ellipsis, unlike the dash, should almost always have spaces on either side (and also in between periods if you aren't using a special ellipsis glyph—this . . . vs. this …). The exception is with parentheses, dashes, and quotes. Also, when quoting something that already has ellipses in it, you should enclose your ellipses in hard brackets like so: […].
If you leave out the end of a sentence, odd as it looks, you are to put your period a space away from the ellipsis … . Here's how you start a sentence with an ellipsis. … And here's the part you didn't leave out.
My own personal taste is that in both of those cases, you may as well put the ellipses in hard brackets, just so it looks more like a single entity, and not just four periods.
Slainte!
If you leave out the end of a sentence, odd as it looks, you are to put your period a space away from the ellipsis … . Here's how you start a sentence with an ellipsis. … And here's the part you didn't leave out.
My own personal taste is that in both of those cases, you may as well put the ellipses in hard brackets, just so it looks more like a single entity, and not just four periods.
Slainte!
An important question of differences
What is the difference between having a good thick moustache, and being a superhero?
If I knew the answer to that, I wouldn't be here.
If I knew the answer to that, I wouldn't be here.
01 August, 2008
The hyphen, en dash, and em dash
So I just learned about the three types of dashes. In handwriting, it was a sort of unwritten rule about the uses of short, medium, and long dashes. But then typesetting came into being, and we now have different names for each dash.
The Hyphen
The hyphen is the shortest of the three and is way overused. It has three functions. In writing, it combines two words. In math, it is the minus sign. It also serves to join a series of numbers, like a phone number. For example:
Risk-taker.
5-3=2
555-5555
Nineteenth- and twentieth-century.
You can find it on a qwerty keyboard between 0 and =.
The En Dash
The en dash is so named because it is typeset to the width of a lowercase n, longer than the hyphen. It is designated for a range, but can also be used in place of a hyphen if there is already a hyphen present. For example:
Non–risk-taker.
Pages 23–48.
July 29–August 12
On a mac, it is the same key as the hyphen, but press option. On a pc, good luck.
The Em Dash
The em dash is the width of a capital M, about twice as long as the en dash. It is similar to parentheses most of the time. Think of it as an interruption. It is also used in dialogue to indicate an actual interruption. For example:
On the 12th—the day of the invasion—we will leave before dawn.
“Hey man, all I'm saying is—”
“I don't care what you're saying!”
On a mac, it is once again the hyphen key, but with shift-option. Once again, on a pc, HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Rules
Never put a space next to any kind of dash, with only one exception. Look at the last hyphen example. This is called a “hanging hyphen” and is totally cool. Otherwise, never put spaces around dashes or hyphens. People who do that are considered to be wrong.
If you are in a situation where you can only use hyphens, use a hyphen in place of an en dash, and use two hyphens in place of an em dash.
Education!
The Hyphen
The hyphen is the shortest of the three and is way overused. It has three functions. In writing, it combines two words. In math, it is the minus sign. It also serves to join a series of numbers, like a phone number. For example:
Risk-taker.
5-3=2
555-5555
Nineteenth- and twentieth-century.
You can find it on a qwerty keyboard between 0 and =.
The En Dash
The en dash is so named because it is typeset to the width of a lowercase n, longer than the hyphen. It is designated for a range, but can also be used in place of a hyphen if there is already a hyphen present. For example:
Non–risk-taker.
Pages 23–48.
July 29–August 12
On a mac, it is the same key as the hyphen, but press option. On a pc, good luck.
The Em Dash
The em dash is the width of a capital M, about twice as long as the en dash. It is similar to parentheses most of the time. Think of it as an interruption. It is also used in dialogue to indicate an actual interruption. For example:
On the 12th—the day of the invasion—we will leave before dawn.
“Hey man, all I'm saying is—”
“I don't care what you're saying!”
On a mac, it is once again the hyphen key, but with shift-option. Once again, on a pc, HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Rules
Never put a space next to any kind of dash, with only one exception. Look at the last hyphen example. This is called a “hanging hyphen” and is totally cool. Otherwise, never put spaces around dashes or hyphens. People who do that are considered to be wrong.
If you are in a situation where you can only use hyphens, use a hyphen in place of an en dash, and use two hyphens in place of an em dash.
Education!
22 July, 2008
History of &
Did you know that & is from the Latin "et"? The upper loop is a lower case e, all with the line going down and to the right. The line going up and right used to always have a horizontal line at the tip. This went out of fashion in the age of the typewriter, kind of like how $ used to have two lines.
So yeah, that makes me like & a lot more. Incidentally, did you know that $ was born from US? The U was written over the S, and people eventually stopped writing the bottom part of the U, making it two vertical lines. Then that was too hard for typewriters, so it became one vertical line.
MAGIC
So yeah, that makes me like & a lot more. Incidentally, did you know that $ was born from US? The U was written over the S, and people eventually stopped writing the bottom part of the U, making it two vertical lines. Then that was too hard for typewriters, so it became one vertical line.
MAGIC
17 July, 2008
Heh.
I'll know that I am famous when I get junk messages advertising me naked. So anyway I got Linux working on my mac. It is an unofficial PowerPC release of Ubuntu 8.04 (Hardy Heron). It is unofficial because Ubuntu stopped supporting PowerPC a while ago. And, since I have a PowerPC computer, I don't have much of a choice there. I'm glad though—I can use OS 9 programs on my mac, and mactels cannot do that. I'm going to be very sad when I can't play the Fool's Errand anymore.
That's all I feel like writing about right now.
That's all I feel like writing about right now.
My newest junk message…
Subject: :)
From: Current Brackeen
Hey,
Fuck beer! Got sexy girl?
Click here [link excluded because it is probably a virus made for idiots]
From: Current Brackeen
Hey,
Fuck beer! Got sexy girl?
Click here [link excluded because it is probably a virus made for idiots]
16 July, 2008
ugh
Why do spammers think that I want discounts on "w4tches"? I mean, do they know anything? At all?
14 July, 2008
Dual OSX-Linux project
I am tired of not having Linux and not knowing how to use Linux so I am going to get Linux and install it on my laptop. This will be more than a little cumbersome, because I will have to back up everything, erase and partition the hard drive (I'll probably give Linux 20GB), clean install macosx, and then linux.
Right now I'm looking most favorably at Ubuntu, but also a little at Yellowdog and Gentoo. This will take some research, because I don't want to fuck up my computer.
I'll keep you updated, I guess.
Right now I'm looking most favorably at Ubuntu, but also a little at Yellowdog and Gentoo. This will take some research, because I don't want to fuck up my computer.
I'll keep you updated, I guess.
08 July, 2008
Alucard Coat
So the coat is almost finished, I am going to go in tomorrow to try it on to make sure she got it right before she stitches it back up.
Exciting!
Man I don't think I'm going to be able to not wear this coat a lot.
Exciting!
Man I don't think I'm going to be able to not wear this coat a lot.
02 July, 2008
Junk mail
I keep getting a junk message with the subject "what a stupid face you have here lachancem". I am Matt LaChance and I approve this message.
20 June, 2008
Internet Explorer
I don't understand the idea of Internet Explorer. It is not standards-compliant, it doesn't even support .png picture transparency, and it is hard as the dickens to code for.
It's like, if you want to make a beautiful website these days, you have to actually make two beautiful websites, where one of them is coded for Internet Explorer and the code itself makes a lot less sense. If you are reading my blog with Internet Explorer, you yourself and me a favor and download Firefox. It's faster, it is standards-compliant, and it will let you look at every web page.
I mean, Safari has its flaws but at least it obeys the W3C standards. As a web designer, Internet Explorer is so frustrating, I hate it I hate it I hate it.
I am seriously considering not letting anyone using IE use wikifriends. Like if someone tries there will be an error message that tells them I hate them and they should switch browsers.
It's like, if you want to make a beautiful website these days, you have to actually make two beautiful websites, where one of them is coded for Internet Explorer and the code itself makes a lot less sense. If you are reading my blog with Internet Explorer, you yourself and me a favor and download Firefox. It's faster, it is standards-compliant, and it will let you look at every web page.
I mean, Safari has its flaws but at least it obeys the W3C standards. As a web designer, Internet Explorer is so frustrating, I hate it I hate it I hate it.
I am seriously considering not letting anyone using IE use wikifriends. Like if someone tries there will be an error message that tells them I hate them and they should switch browsers.
06 June, 2008
iClip
Okay, so for a while now I've been thinking to myself, wouldn't it be great if you could copy and paste more than one thing at a time? I mean, the copy-paste feature has been around longer than I've been alive, so you'd think it would be improved, especially in macs, where they are always trying to improve things like this.
Well I just discovered iClip, and it might become the next Quicksilver in how I use my computer (i.e. I will become a lot faster and start really missing this feature on every other computer I use). It does cost $30 though, which is a pity. I mean, if it's as useful as I think it will be, I won't have a problem with paying $30, but I hope it lets you put it on multiple computers, or I'm going to have to choose between my computer at work and at home. I'm not paying $60.
You crazy cats have fun, bye.
Well I just discovered iClip, and it might become the next Quicksilver in how I use my computer (i.e. I will become a lot faster and start really missing this feature on every other computer I use). It does cost $30 though, which is a pity. I mean, if it's as useful as I think it will be, I won't have a problem with paying $30, but I hope it lets you put it on multiple computers, or I'm going to have to choose between my computer at work and at home. I'm not paying $60.
You crazy cats have fun, bye.
04 June, 2008
Cane?
Vote! Should I buy a classy cane?
I am actally serious about this. You see, I have always wanted a classy cane, but I don't want people to think I am trying to look like a pimp. I don't want a pimp cane, I want a classy cane. Are they the same thing? Help me out here.
I am actally serious about this. You see, I have always wanted a classy cane, but I don't want people to think I am trying to look like a pimp. I don't want a pimp cane, I want a classy cane. Are they the same thing? Help me out here.
02 June, 2008
Nora's back
I should probably be really excited or at least relieved, but I actually just feel normal, like she was never gone. It's like the last 5 months just disappeared. Crazy.
01 June, 2008
Music
I should get back into listening to music. Music is pretty cool, you know?
It's tricky to rock a rhyme to rock a rhyme that's right on time it's TRICKY! tr-tr-tr-tricky tricky trrrrrrrricky!
It's tricky to rock a rhyme to rock a rhyme that's right on time it's TRICKY! tr-tr-tr-tricky tricky trrrrrrrricky!
30 May, 2008
Relationship! Relationship!
So Nora got back into the States yesterday, and she'll be in Ann Arbor late Sunday night. Last night we had a long conversation and that was cool. I'd say that I can't wait to see her, but I have to wait and I will wait (because I have to). I kind of feel bad in advance for how much I am going to not spend time with friends over the next week or so (sexsexsexsexsexsex).
Also I finally caved into the gaming world and bought a wii. I should set that up in Nora's house, you know for the summer. Oh and I don't think I ever mentioned that Jesse got me a Playstation (an original one) for my birthday. And I just got Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2 (hell yeah!). Looks like I will finally start playing video games.
In my math class I am currently getting 100% on everything ever. I am putting a lot of effort into the class, but also the professor is very easy. These are the combinations that lead to perfect scores. It looks like I'm going to have my first good grade in a while. And it's gonna be a very good grade. So heythatsnice.
I've been thinking a lot about my future. Lucky for me, the skills I have (programming, math) are skills that people will pay me a lot of money for. So I don't think money is going to be much of an obstacle once my life gets going. I mean, right now I've got a $15/hour webmastering job on a high school education with no related experience, and part-time. That's really nice for me.
But I want to do good in the world. Remember my plan to unite all countries in peace and end war? I still want to do that. But I don't know how. I don't have any idea where to begin, and as I develop a career and start a family, I'm not going to have time. I'm going to turn into an upper-middle-class dad who puts a couple more upper-middle-class children into the world and eventually retires and plays golf or something.
I feel like I'm at a crossroads of some sort, only instead of having to choose between two available paths, I already know which one I want to choose, but I can't figure out how to get to it. The path I'm on and the path I want to be on do not intersect at a crossroads, not that I can tell. What do I do in this situation?
I feel pretty pessimistic and hopeless about all this. And if you know me, you know that I'm a very optimistic person. I don't like being pessimistic. It doesn't suit me. Not at all.
Thanks for dropping by,
Matt
Also I finally caved into the gaming world and bought a wii. I should set that up in Nora's house, you know for the summer. Oh and I don't think I ever mentioned that Jesse got me a Playstation (an original one) for my birthday. And I just got Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2 (hell yeah!). Looks like I will finally start playing video games.
In my math class I am currently getting 100% on everything ever. I am putting a lot of effort into the class, but also the professor is very easy. These are the combinations that lead to perfect scores. It looks like I'm going to have my first good grade in a while. And it's gonna be a very good grade. So heythatsnice.
I've been thinking a lot about my future. Lucky for me, the skills I have (programming, math) are skills that people will pay me a lot of money for. So I don't think money is going to be much of an obstacle once my life gets going. I mean, right now I've got a $15/hour webmastering job on a high school education with no related experience, and part-time. That's really nice for me.
But I want to do good in the world. Remember my plan to unite all countries in peace and end war? I still want to do that. But I don't know how. I don't have any idea where to begin, and as I develop a career and start a family, I'm not going to have time. I'm going to turn into an upper-middle-class dad who puts a couple more upper-middle-class children into the world and eventually retires and plays golf or something.
I feel like I'm at a crossroads of some sort, only instead of having to choose between two available paths, I already know which one I want to choose, but I can't figure out how to get to it. The path I'm on and the path I want to be on do not intersect at a crossroads, not that I can tell. What do I do in this situation?
I feel pretty pessimistic and hopeless about all this. And if you know me, you know that I'm a very optimistic person. I don't like being pessimistic. It doesn't suit me. Not at all.
Thanks for dropping by,
Matt
22 May, 2008
Regular Expressions!
I just learned regular expressions and successfully replaced every phone number formatted like this:
###-###-####
with the same phone number but formatted like this:
(###) ###-####
and all I had to do was search for (\d\d\d)-(\d\d\d)-(\d\d\d\d) and replace it with ($1) $2-$3 and bang zoom done!
Also to clarify my previous post, I was unconsciously rubbing my eyebrows, and then I noticed all these little hairs on the table, so I kept rubbing my eyebrows and SO MANY HAIRS BECAME ON THE TABLE
###-###-####
with the same phone number but formatted like this:
(###) ###-####
and all I had to do was search for (\d\d\d)-(\d\d\d)-(\d\d\d\d) and replace it with ($1) $2-$3 and bang zoom done!
Also to clarify my previous post, I was unconsciously rubbing my eyebrows, and then I noticed all these little hairs on the table, so I kept rubbing my eyebrows and SO MANY HAIRS BECAME ON THE TABLE
21 May, 2008
16 May, 2008
No promises
Right now I have the full intention of going back to writing here. It does me good to write for an audience, whether or not I have one, you know? It's more fun than writing in a journal. Plus, Molly reads this, and that is pretty cool.
So I bought a wii a couple days back. It should arrive in the mail any time now. It was a pretty good deal—mario galaxy, wii games, wii sports, carnival games, zelda twilight princess, two wiimotes, two nunchucks, a classic controller, battery packs and a charger for the wiimotes, memory card, and an actual wii, for $400. I'm told that that is at leas $100 less than I would normally pay for such things. So yeah, the Sylvan house now has a wii. I still need to get Brawl, but that can wait. If anything I'll play Brawl at Jesse's house with my memory card.
When I get it probably the first thing I will do is get Mario 64 on the virtual console, because that shit is bumpin'.
I finally got a key at my job, so now I don't need to ask people to let me into places. Dang, they just trust me so much here, it's so different from the cafeteria, where Sue won't even let there be a dedicated captain key.
Yesterday I fell off my bike for the first time I can ever remember doing that. I didn't get hurt, but my jeans did. I've got some sewing to do this weekend! Yeah but anyway I didn't get at all hurt, but it was bizarre. I fell off and was just like, "wait what? Is this real? Is this ... possible?" I was just kind of confused I guess.
Jesse is finally showing me Avatar episodes, and they are very cool. Good show, A+.
I am feeling good about my own life. Less so about the rest of the world, but hey if I like my own life that's something. If everybody genuinely liked their lives, there wouldn't be much for me to dislike about the world, you know?
Ta!
Matt
So I bought a wii a couple days back. It should arrive in the mail any time now. It was a pretty good deal—mario galaxy, wii games, wii sports, carnival games, zelda twilight princess, two wiimotes, two nunchucks, a classic controller, battery packs and a charger for the wiimotes, memory card, and an actual wii, for $400. I'm told that that is at leas $100 less than I would normally pay for such things. So yeah, the Sylvan house now has a wii. I still need to get Brawl, but that can wait. If anything I'll play Brawl at Jesse's house with my memory card.
When I get it probably the first thing I will do is get Mario 64 on the virtual console, because that shit is bumpin'.
I finally got a key at my job, so now I don't need to ask people to let me into places. Dang, they just trust me so much here, it's so different from the cafeteria, where Sue won't even let there be a dedicated captain key.
Yesterday I fell off my bike for the first time I can ever remember doing that. I didn't get hurt, but my jeans did. I've got some sewing to do this weekend! Yeah but anyway I didn't get at all hurt, but it was bizarre. I fell off and was just like, "wait what? Is this real? Is this ... possible?" I was just kind of confused I guess.
Jesse is finally showing me Avatar episodes, and they are very cool. Good show, A+.
I am feeling good about my own life. Less so about the rest of the world, but hey if I like my own life that's something. If everybody genuinely liked their lives, there wouldn't be much for me to dislike about the world, you know?
Ta!
Matt
01 May, 2008
Updates?
I am waiting until I actually feel good about myself and my life before I go back to updating. Right now I mostly feel down, and I don't like writing about that. I'd write about how happy I am, but however easy that is to talk about, I'm just not up for writing it. But do you remember when this blog was kind of fun (if only for me)? Let's bring that back.
But I'm not going to lie about how I feel here either, so we'll both have to wait.
Also, Gynelle my email address is lachancem at gmail dot com.
But I'm not going to lie about how I feel here either, so we'll both have to wait.
Also, Gynelle my email address is lachancem at gmail dot com.
23 April, 2008
I feel terrible
I just spent the past 30 minutes curled up under my desk, and now I have a headache and I feel terrible. I might sleep in my closet tonight. That never makes me feel better when I'm really feeling bad, but at least I actually get to sleep.
By the way, today was really not a good day. And now I have to swallow it and pretend I'm having fun all day tomorrow for my birthday. I just do not want to deal with that right now.
By the way, today was really not a good day. And now I have to swallow it and pretend I'm having fun all day tomorrow for my birthday. I just do not want to deal with that right now.
01 April, 2008
17 March, 2008
Hey, maybe I'll get back into this
I kind of like blogging, so maybe I'll start doing it again. Why not, you know?
I am experimenting with habit-forming. Do you know about the ideas that it takes 21 days to make a habit? I think that's pretty cool. More on this in 21 days.
Right now, I am a little tired I guess. Saying that I miss my girlfriend is kind of needless I guess. In a way, I feel like the best way to handle it is to bottle it up. I mean, bottling things up is a great way to make the pain go away, and it makes everybody around you think you're fine. But nothing goes away forever until you deal with it, and I guess it's easier to do it one day at a time now than all at once later. Sigh.
How are you? I have letters that I need to write, but that can wait until after my exam on wednesday. In econ, we're starting on game theory. I love on that stuff.
But really, how are you?
Matt
I am experimenting with habit-forming. Do you know about the ideas that it takes 21 days to make a habit? I think that's pretty cool. More on this in 21 days.
Right now, I am a little tired I guess. Saying that I miss my girlfriend is kind of needless I guess. In a way, I feel like the best way to handle it is to bottle it up. I mean, bottling things up is a great way to make the pain go away, and it makes everybody around you think you're fine. But nothing goes away forever until you deal with it, and I guess it's easier to do it one day at a time now than all at once later. Sigh.
How are you? I have letters that I need to write, but that can wait until after my exam on wednesday. In econ, we're starting on game theory. I love on that stuff.
But really, how are you?
Matt
14 February, 2008
29 January, 2008
Finally!
It's about time! One of my long-time problems with macs has been that they do not come with an alarm clock program, and every alarm clock on the internet costs money. Not anymore.
This program offers a lot of control, and even wakes your computer up from being asleep. It also is a menu-bar program, so it is completely not disruptive. Pretty cool, pretty great. Mac users, download this if you do not have an alarm clock (like me)
This program offers a lot of control, and even wakes your computer up from being asleep. It also is a menu-bar program, so it is completely not disruptive. Pretty cool, pretty great. Mac users, download this if you do not have an alarm clock (like me)
24 January, 2008
Best procession of cars
The Schaufelradbagger
The Killdozer
Optimus Prime
The A-Team van
Time travel Delorian
Popemobile
Batmobile
The Magic School Bus
Oscar Meyer Weinermobile
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
What am I missing?
The Killdozer
Optimus Prime
The A-Team van
Time travel Delorian
Popemobile
Batmobile
The Magic School Bus
Oscar Meyer Weinermobile
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
What am I missing?
17 January, 2008
Nine Inch Nails
is pretty good music. I am listening to the album Year Zero, and I'm surprising myself by liking it so much. It's really dissonant, which I like. I also found a bunch of stuff by Desert Planet, who makes video-game-esque music, and it is incredible.
If you never gave them (him?) a listen, try it out. Maybe you'll like it.
If you never gave them (him?) a listen, try it out. Maybe you'll like it.
12 January, 2008
Third post
I forgot to add a person on my list. Myself. I like myself a lot. And you know what, if I had to choose between having every person hate me but me liking me, and every person loving me but me hating me, that choice would easily be the former.
No question. I'm pretty cool, and I know that. I don't think many other people know that, and I feel bad about that I guess, but hey, at least I have me.
Night
No question. I'm pretty cool, and I know that. I don't think many other people know that, and I feel bad about that I guess, but hey, at least I have me.
Night
Tonight
You probably missed the post I just made, scroll down and read it first.
Anyway, I don't know what to do with my dislike of alchohol. I just sighed, just now, in real life. I just did it two more times because it felt really good. Anyway, I don't like being around drunk people (I say drunk for lack of a better word to say "people who have had any alchohol", I hate the word tipsy). When someone drinks, they go from interesting to boring before my eyes. I suddenly don't want to be around them, because I simply don't have time for such a person. I could be wasting time on the internet, which is way more fun.
But that isn't why I hate it. That's just a side reason. The person I really hate is myself. I try to ignore it, and I get half-drunk myself, except worse, because I am also sober. I hate every thing that I do, and I hate every stupid word that my mouth says. I try to fit in, and I try to have fun. Where's the harm in that? I don't know, but there is harm there, somehow.
There's harm because I'm not being myself. I said a couple posts ago that I pride myself in not conforming to anything. A far better way to say that is that I pride myself in being myself exactly. No secrets, no acting, just me. I go to a job interview and I do a bad job, because I don't give correct answers; I give my answers.
If there is anything that I really hate, it is when I stop being myself, and when people start drinking, I get as drunk as they, laughing and talking. And I feel disgusting. I loath every inch of my disgusting body and every noisy breath that esacpes it.
I always leave parties early because I cannot stand myself. I always leave, depressed and very, very alone.
Just now, I left a party, and now I am depressed, and of course very, very alone. I want to hang out with Molly, to be honest, because I like her and I know she is herself, but she's having fun with everyone, and a good friend wouldn't try to take her from that. I'd call Jesse, but I don't think he'd really care. Maybe we'd have a satisfyingly angry discussion about alchohol, but what good would that do.
Really, I want to hang out with Simon. The one man that I can hug naturally. But you know, he's at MSU.
Every time I hear footsteps go by my door, I hope it's someone, anyone to hang with me. But no one ever really visits me. People like the food I give them, and I have a nice sound system and comfy futon for watching movies.
Secret after secret, here's another inside look at me. I don't think anybody really likes me. Now that isn't true. There are a few people that I honestly think do genuinely like me. To list them, Gynelle, Nora, Simon, my parents, and maybe, maybe Jesse.
In case you aren't on that list and think you should be on it, no, that is a complete list. I actually think that every person not on that list thinks I'm annoying, and puts up with me because I'm not that bad. Am I wrong? Probably. I hope I'm wrong. But logic can never truly change the way you feel, you know?
I just feel so god damned alone right now. Most people think I'm doing well, because I say I'm doing well. Why do I say I'm doing well when I'm not? To answer your [my] question with another question, would you tell someone you knew didn't care about you that you were depressed? Fuck no you wouldn't. No matter what they said, you would know that really, they didn't care.
See, that is how I feel. Ugh, I feel so emo or whatever. I mean really, I'm not all that bad or anything and nothing bad is happening to me. I just feel like a balloon that is way too full of air or helium or whatever, ready to burst. Moreover, I feel like that balloon has just been bouncing off of pin after pin, somehow never popping.
Does it ever end? Do I ever get actually happy? Heh, I guess not. That's for the perfects. I just need to learn to be content with how I feel. I need to sit down and do some god damned suffering. That would do me some good. I just sighed two more times.
I'm rereading this post now. It is amazing what I can learn about myself just from typing and not stopping. Do I feel better? No, of course not, not at all. I am still lonely, and I still think that most of my close friends only put up with me because they don't hate me.
Worst of all, I know that no one is going to knock on my door tonight, but I am going to lay awake waiting for it to happen anyway.
My life is awesome. Someday, I will truly appreciate how awesome it is, but for now, I will continue to settle for simply knowing that it is awesome.
By the way, if you read this super-long post, and want me to believe that you like me, all you have to do is talk with me. Have a serious conversation. Tell me your problems and insecurities. Tell me what you like, and what you think is pretty cool. Share yourself with me. If you didn't like me, you wouldn't do that, and I know it.
Tonight, I think will be the first night in a long time that I cry myself to sleep. Getting rid of toxins is pretty cool though, so if you feel bad for me, don't. Dollars to donuts your problems are worse then mine, especially since I'll be getting rid of toxins in a few short minutes!
I just sighed a few more times. Sighing feels great. Try it
Anyway, I don't know what to do with my dislike of alchohol. I just sighed, just now, in real life. I just did it two more times because it felt really good. Anyway, I don't like being around drunk people (I say drunk for lack of a better word to say "people who have had any alchohol", I hate the word tipsy). When someone drinks, they go from interesting to boring before my eyes. I suddenly don't want to be around them, because I simply don't have time for such a person. I could be wasting time on the internet, which is way more fun.
But that isn't why I hate it. That's just a side reason. The person I really hate is myself. I try to ignore it, and I get half-drunk myself, except worse, because I am also sober. I hate every thing that I do, and I hate every stupid word that my mouth says. I try to fit in, and I try to have fun. Where's the harm in that? I don't know, but there is harm there, somehow.
There's harm because I'm not being myself. I said a couple posts ago that I pride myself in not conforming to anything. A far better way to say that is that I pride myself in being myself exactly. No secrets, no acting, just me. I go to a job interview and I do a bad job, because I don't give correct answers; I give my answers.
If there is anything that I really hate, it is when I stop being myself, and when people start drinking, I get as drunk as they, laughing and talking. And I feel disgusting. I loath every inch of my disgusting body and every noisy breath that esacpes it.
I always leave parties early because I cannot stand myself. I always leave, depressed and very, very alone.
Just now, I left a party, and now I am depressed, and of course very, very alone. I want to hang out with Molly, to be honest, because I like her and I know she is herself, but she's having fun with everyone, and a good friend wouldn't try to take her from that. I'd call Jesse, but I don't think he'd really care. Maybe we'd have a satisfyingly angry discussion about alchohol, but what good would that do.
Really, I want to hang out with Simon. The one man that I can hug naturally. But you know, he's at MSU.
Every time I hear footsteps go by my door, I hope it's someone, anyone to hang with me. But no one ever really visits me. People like the food I give them, and I have a nice sound system and comfy futon for watching movies.
Secret after secret, here's another inside look at me. I don't think anybody really likes me. Now that isn't true. There are a few people that I honestly think do genuinely like me. To list them, Gynelle, Nora, Simon, my parents, and maybe, maybe Jesse.
In case you aren't on that list and think you should be on it, no, that is a complete list. I actually think that every person not on that list thinks I'm annoying, and puts up with me because I'm not that bad. Am I wrong? Probably. I hope I'm wrong. But logic can never truly change the way you feel, you know?
I just feel so god damned alone right now. Most people think I'm doing well, because I say I'm doing well. Why do I say I'm doing well when I'm not? To answer your [my] question with another question, would you tell someone you knew didn't care about you that you were depressed? Fuck no you wouldn't. No matter what they said, you would know that really, they didn't care.
See, that is how I feel. Ugh, I feel so emo or whatever. I mean really, I'm not all that bad or anything and nothing bad is happening to me. I just feel like a balloon that is way too full of air or helium or whatever, ready to burst. Moreover, I feel like that balloon has just been bouncing off of pin after pin, somehow never popping.
Does it ever end? Do I ever get actually happy? Heh, I guess not. That's for the perfects. I just need to learn to be content with how I feel. I need to sit down and do some god damned suffering. That would do me some good. I just sighed two more times.
I'm rereading this post now. It is amazing what I can learn about myself just from typing and not stopping. Do I feel better? No, of course not, not at all. I am still lonely, and I still think that most of my close friends only put up with me because they don't hate me.
Worst of all, I know that no one is going to knock on my door tonight, but I am going to lay awake waiting for it to happen anyway.
My life is awesome. Someday, I will truly appreciate how awesome it is, but for now, I will continue to settle for simply knowing that it is awesome.
By the way, if you read this super-long post, and want me to believe that you like me, all you have to do is talk with me. Have a serious conversation. Tell me your problems and insecurities. Tell me what you like, and what you think is pretty cool. Share yourself with me. If you didn't like me, you wouldn't do that, and I know it.
Tonight, I think will be the first night in a long time that I cry myself to sleep. Getting rid of toxins is pretty cool though, so if you feel bad for me, don't. Dollars to donuts your problems are worse then mine, especially since I'll be getting rid of toxins in a few short minutes!
I just sighed a few more times. Sighing feels great. Try it
Why do I have a blog?
I have a blog to give myself a way to talk to myself. When I say "dear reader," I talk to myself, as I intend this to be read by me, and only by me. I know that other people read this (Gynelle, Molly, and Nora), but it doesn't really make a difference to me.
I guess what I am saying is that I am writing all this for me. I don't really assume that any of you care about what is going on in my head, but if you are reading, you probably do (that or you're bored and none of your webcomics are updated yet). But, even if I had no readers, I would write this exactly as I do, because I don't really care if anybody reads it.
If you read this, know that you are reading exactly what is going on in my head, and nothing more or less. When I write here, I understand myself better, and learn about who I am. It is exciting for me.
I hope any readers other than yours truly enjoy this blog, or at least, I hope you end up glad you read it. As an old answering machine message of mine once said, "it may give you an insight into the mind of a madman."
If you are reading this, you are my friend. And I love you for caring about me enough to take this time. I hope that some day you will tell me about your life and your thoughts (I won't read your blog, I don't have time). I'd ask you, but I'm shy. Don't you be afraid to ask me either. Anything is better than a god-damned blog.
Thank you for reading this. If you are reading right as I post it, be sure to wait a little while, I'm about to write another. I guess this post is an intermission for me to say thank you. As I said, I love you, you wonderful person. Good night.
I guess what I am saying is that I am writing all this for me. I don't really assume that any of you care about what is going on in my head, but if you are reading, you probably do (that or you're bored and none of your webcomics are updated yet). But, even if I had no readers, I would write this exactly as I do, because I don't really care if anybody reads it.
If you read this, know that you are reading exactly what is going on in my head, and nothing more or less. When I write here, I understand myself better, and learn about who I am. It is exciting for me.
I hope any readers other than yours truly enjoy this blog, or at least, I hope you end up glad you read it. As an old answering machine message of mine once said, "it may give you an insight into the mind of a madman."
If you are reading this, you are my friend. And I love you for caring about me enough to take this time. I hope that some day you will tell me about your life and your thoughts (I won't read your blog, I don't have time). I'd ask you, but I'm shy. Don't you be afraid to ask me either. Anything is better than a god-damned blog.
Thank you for reading this. If you are reading right as I post it, be sure to wait a little while, I'm about to write another. I guess this post is an intermission for me to say thank you. As I said, I love you, you wonderful person. Good night.
09 January, 2008
Pretty cool
Matt Steele just told me that I am someone who doesn't conform to anything at all. That is pretty much what I go for, so that is pretty much the best compliment I have gotten in a long ass-time.
I feel really good about that. I am glad people think of me as my own person and not a cookie-cutter anything. It is times like these that you just feel really good.
I hope I get photoshop soon, so I can go back to comic posts. More fun for me, more fun for you.
Love,
Matt
I feel really good about that. I am glad people think of me as my own person and not a cookie-cutter anything. It is times like these that you just feel really good.
I hope I get photoshop soon, so I can go back to comic posts. More fun for me, more fun for you.
Love,
Matt
06 January, 2008
03 January, 2008
Parfois j'aimerais disparaître
et actuellement ça est ce que je veux
qu'est-ce que je devrais faire?
En plus, toute mon angoisse existentielle sera en français, parce que personne qui lit ce blog ne comprend le français.
Je t'embrasse très fort,
Matt
qu'est-ce que je devrais faire?
En plus, toute mon angoisse existentielle sera en français, parce que personne qui lit ce blog ne comprend le français.
Je t'embrasse très fort,
Matt
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