To be honest, I'm definitely thinking about this too much. But then again, what am I supposed to do? Ignore it? I mean, I keep trying that. Man I really don't like this kind of depression. The kind I used to have was all right—I could wallow in it anyway. This kind is just, well, depressing. I guess I'm depressed for a reason instead of just depressed. I'd say I liked it better how I was, but I don't. I just want to, you know, have fun. I haven't done that for a really fucking long time.
14 August, 2006
Diplomacy
Well I pretty much got the same feeling I always get now. That being the feeling that I don't really have anything to say and nobody has anything to say to me. It really does take the fun out of, well, living, honestly. It's kind of like the opposite of studying for me. When it comes to studying, I am perfectly happy not doing it, and I don't really want to do it, but when I do, I like it a lot. Whereas when I hang out with any number of people, I really don't like not doing it, I really want to do it, and when I do, I hate it. I wonder if there's a solution to this problem. I mean, it'd be cool if someone had some insights or something. Obviously this is a problem with me, not with the entire world, and it's hard to see things in yourself. (By the way, if you are one of the cool people that does not give advice unless it is asked for, I am asking for it if you have any.)
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4 comments:
It isn't a certain people thing—I thought it was that at first. It seems like an "everybody except Gynelle" kind of thing, because, honestly, the only time this hasn't been true this summer is with Gynelle. I think it's that I don't really relate to anybody. Like I said, I just feel like I don't have anything to say, and people never have anything to say to me. So it's like, what's the point.
Either I end up trying too hard, where I become fake, or I don't and I become who I actually am, and I don't really say anything, and nothing happens except for a really big awkward. I should be myself, I know. But yeah, the problem is something like I don't relate to anybody. How do you solve that?
We totally need to hang out. *hugs and stuff*
--gynelle
You're bored and the people you hang out with are boring. Also, you never do anything or make anything of real value. This makes you depresssed because one of the things that makes us human is our ability to put meaning into things, and you don't find value in anything you do with your friends then you are not going to be fufilling this basic human capacity. The reason we have friends at all is to have people to do things with that are meaningful to us. Do something that has actual value, not some retarted esoteric sense of value just to appease your own little boring bored group of boring people.
G-$
G-Money: I didn't think of that. I mean, as crude as that was, I think you're right. So I have to do something of value. Well shit.
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