Markers.

There is rampant marker theft going on in my hall. Most of the whiteboards at this point do not have markers (in fact, one of these has "Mark my words, the next marker will be POISONED" written on it). I, along with a couple others, have purchased a new marker and duct-taped it to the door. This solved the problem for a while, but now, guess what. There are no caps on our markers. WHAT. WHY WOULD A PERSON DO THIS. Seriously, markers could be anything, but marker caps? That is just saying "hey I am being an asshole for no reason."

Dear thief. Fuck you. You are the kind of person who should not exist. Nobody likes you, and all your friends say bad things about you when you are not around. In fact, everybody hates you. Suicide is the only way out. Remember—down the block twice, and then cross the street at your elbow. (In case you are an idiot, I am telling you to drag a razor down your arm twice, and then across. It is pretty basic information, and I normally would not clarify, but I want to make sure you understand.) Your pal, Matt.