Identity crisis kinda

Yeah basically. I'm confused. I have a bunch of shit to deal with, just like every other person on the planet. Go me !

Finally I wrote one just now (just for you!)

I realise that I haven't done any free poetry yet on this blog. Well today is the day!

12
is the number
of containers
on my dresser in front of
my eyes
12
I count them one
by one
12
sets of words
proclaiming
"Ben & Jerry's"
12
empty containers
used to be full
of my favourite
food
12
were eaten by me
in two weeks
which makes me realise
I love my life
12

Did that sound pretty artsy? Or just stupid? Well I will give you a hint! It's true!

Man

I want to hang out with somebody right now. Somebody who is actually my friend. You know, so I can be myself for real for a while. Too bad no such people go to this college. Darn. Josh, sorry if that statement offends you. But as good of friends as we are, we are not quite that close. Sorry. You're close though, if that is any comfort!

In response to a couple of comments

I was going to respond with a comment, but it ended up taking longer than I thought so I figured a post would do.

I will come back to French class in the Fall. And I am going to do really really well. I am going to do so well in college that college won't know what hit it.

And no I will not be listening to music because I am not bringing my computer to the temple, and a CD player would be a silly thing to bring to a Zen Buddhist temple if you are going to be a monk.

However, I will be getting a lot of violin practice in. I am going to transpose a bunch of fiddle and bluegrass tunes into all the keys, and memorise them. Theoretically, I will be able to fiddle at that point. In short, I hope to get wicked good at the violin.

Also, just so you know, I plan on writing some dang good songs, some dang good poetry, and a first draft (at the least) of my novel. I will probably get good posture too. That will be neat. It is a little-known fact that my neck is always really sore. This is because I play the violin, and I think because I don't have good posture when I do. In theory, playing with good posture should solve that problem. Man when I come back I will basically be a better human being in every way.

In other news, I think I will try to do what Asya suggested and build a darkroom while I am there, if I have the time, resources, and permission. Also, on a completely different note, I really hate who I am right now, and yes I am aware that "hate" is a very strong word. That is all.

I guess all my posts will be one sentence or so from now on

I am going to miss listening to music when I am in Toronto. I am going to miss it a lot. Shit. I will die. Gah why did I decide to do this!! Meh I'll get used to it.

Toronto

Actually, I am not going to Chicago. I am going to Toronto

Hello everyone!

Thank you for reading my blog today! :D

So

I am not going to school this winter term. I am hopefully instead going to a Zen Buddhist temple in Chicago to basically be a monk for 6 months (where I take vows of such as poverty, selflessness, and humility).

School isn't for me though. Not yet. I am not mature enough for it and I don't have enough self discipline. However, don't worry, those of you that care. I will make sure the fora goes back up before I leave, and I'll find some way to insure that it stays up while I am gone.

As for contacting me while I am gone, frankly, I have no idea. I will not be ever on a computer though (not because of the program, but because I don't want to).

Anyway, if this works out, I should be leaving in January and coming back in July. So there will be plenty of time for such as saying bye etc.

Well bye.

-Matt

Last night

Last night I was feeling very, I dunno. Definitely not depressed, but in that "pondering" state that I get in where I look really depressed. Probably because I spent an hour and a half in the arboretum watching the river (no joke, I was just sitting there and lost track of time). Anyway I am back to normal right now, but last night when I got back I was going to make a very deep post here. I am not in the mood right now, and I got sidetracked last night. No deep post.

Wooooo!

I feel like I can take the world right now. Bring it!

What does that mean? It means I should start studying, because I will get sooo much done. But instead I will stand in the freezing cold for three hours and then eat lunch with my parents. I hope I feel this way 5 hours from now.

Dangit

Well I guess what I was afraid would happen happened. I ended up completely forgetting that I ever had a blog and stopped posting altogether. I'm going to ease into it maybe now. I think that makes more sense.

So me. Well, I guess I've had a lot on my mind lately, but that is true of basically any person, including you, I imagine.

I kinda want to get a license to drive a car. In fact I really should just go and get one. I haven't driven for months, but I should. I probably could do it without too much trouble, and it would make many things easier. Yeah, maybe over Christmas break. Hm, we will have to drive up to my aunt's house for Thanksgiving, maybe I can get some needed practice in then. That'd be a good idea, I bet.

I am listening to the song Lola right now. I like it. Good song. Much better than the Weird Al parody. Most people have heard the parody but not the original, which is sort of silly.

Random quotes heard from open dorm doors as I walk by:

• "Today is Sexy Sunday; everything we eat on Sexy Sunday is sexy"
• "You are bald in three places?"
• There was another thing that I did want to put here but I forgot what it was.

So I am working on the ultimate French multi-page cheat sheet. It will contain everything that I have learned in French, short of vocab. Does anybody recommend a method for learning vocab? Like, that is the thing that I am very behind in, and I need to learn a lot of vocab. If anybody can help me with that, it would be really cool.

Yesterday I bought some sunglasses. This is me wearing them:

I need sunglasses for the Michigan Pops concert, because we are playing the Pink Panther, and they thought it would be a good idea for everybody to be wearing sunglasses during the Pink Panther. Because the Pink Panther has sunglasses-related connotations, I suppose.

Also I am going to get a new web page. I am currently leaning towards mattisgreat.com, because I could come up with a pretty neat splash page. I mean, I have two priorities in a web page. One, I want to be able to host various media (pictures, music, that is it), but more importantly, I want the fora to exist. On my current DOS'd page, the index is just an apache list of files. On mattisgreat.com, I will probably go ahead and design a main page. It would probably have testimonials, and a store (with a link for people to donate money to me). That right there would basically be the cat's pajamas. Or something.

It is likely that I will be seeing a Victor Wooten concert soon. That will be awesome. Also, I might be meeting with Anneka soon to found a secret society. That definitely has potential.

Today I will cash all my paychecks, which will make me into a very wealthy man.

Man I really like the Kinks right now. And I need to go to class. Matt OUT

I made a friend!

Well I mean, not really, but I talked to somebody. It was pretty cool.

By the way, right now I am working on getting ahead of all my work (my goal is to be two weeks ahead in all my classes). This process will probably take all of the next few days. Once I have it set, however, I will go back to updating this're blog thingog like normal.

Haha thingog.

Oh and also I found a quiz site for blogs and decided it would be fun to take their colour quiz. What a dumb quiz. I am not going to colour my blog yellow.

Your Blog Should Be Yellow

You're a cheerful, upbeat blogger who tends to make everyone laugh. You are a great storyteller, and the first to post the latest funny link. You're also friendly and welcoming to everyone who comments on your blog.

What Color Should Your Blog or Journal Be?

Turning the tables on a very good friend

This is a royal "I LOVE YOU" to all of the following:

Rain.
Change.
People who, despite the pressure, do not become assholes.
Rich spoiled people who aren't brats and don't take things for granted.
Anybody who doesn't take things for granted.
People who listen.
My friends that do talk about their problems with each other.
Whoever got me into Shel Silverstein.
Shel Silverstein.
People who don't talk about anybody behind their backs.
People who use money wisely.
Glenn Tucker who is inspiring to watch.
The Red Wings.
Molly, and the associated situation.
Things that are not the FAFSA.
The people who befriended me in England.
England.
Smokers who quit smoking.
Drunks who quit drinking.
College.
Good Drivers.
Sidewalks.
The never-changing rules of Wondergame.
Awesome dreams (esp those inspired by video games).
My mom.
Simon's mom.
Music.
Béla Fleck and the Flecktones.
"Futureman" Roy Wooten.
People who make me smile.
The cloudy day we had today.
Future President Barack Obama (Obama 2012 baby!).
Anime.
Dr. Seuss.
Zombo.com.
My Math teacher.
Being done with midterms (ha, I wish).
People who appreciate their friends.
People who are able to have fun in college and do the work.
The insignificance of money.
Moon-roofs.
The Big Lebowski.
Mystery Science Theatre 3000.
Living life and not just drifting through and wondering where it went.
Diplomacy.
People who go with the flow and accept what they can't control.
Having heat in my room, and a window with which to counter it.
People who are who they are, and change only on the outside.
AIM.
The Cheat from Homestar Runner.
People who can turn the other cheek, any number of times.
Echinacea.
All my friends.
Having a list of things I love that is longer than a certain list of things someone hates.
Poetry.
Work.
Fun.
Showers.
Ants.
Not yet having to wake up at 3:00 in the morning to the fire alarm (knocking on wood).
The smell of clean clothes.
My bed.
People who talk to me.
People who complain to me.
People who tell me what they hate about me.
People who tell me what they like about me.
People who look at me.
Simon Anderson.
Gynelle Beal.
Erica Manoppo.
Kaitlin McCarthy.
Garnet Bruell.
Anneka Goss.
James Helton.
Edmund Lachance.
Jacob Lachance.
The Bible.
Ninja Hunting.
The Ninja Testament.
Cave Story.
All the work I am putting off to write this list.
Jamming on the diag.
My violin.
The Michigan Pops Orchestra.
Nerds (the candy).
Nerds (the people).
Washing Dishes.
Breathing.
Laughing.
Crying.
Brushing my teeth.
Smiling.
Talking to anybody.
Sitting and doing nothing.
Using the Spur.
The song "Echoes" by Pink Floyd.
Pink Floyd.
The album "Tommy" by the Who.
Mixes people make me.
Making mixes.
The fact that Wilson just walked in with an assload of food.
The fact that I will probably eat most of that food (I hope!).
Getting a phone call from my brother.
Putting my head on a pillow.
Curling up into the smallest ball I can make.
Having a list of things I love that is twice as long as a certain list of things someone hates.
Having a list of things I love that is more than twice as long as a certain list of things someone hates.

If you don't know who the friend mentioned in the title is, don't worry. I'm not going to tell you. If you do know, well, hey, there you go. If you are the said friend, I love you!! Remember that no matter how much everything sucks, there is always something good to look at in everything. Also remember that awesome things happen to awesome people! Keep being awesome! Just because your life sucks doesn't mean you can't have a good time anyway.

Love,
your pal,
-Matt

Hi!

HI!

So

So I don't really like having a blog at all. It is required though. So I will get back into writing in it. It isn't the blog part I don't like, but I don't like actually writing stuff. I like writing poetry you know? Anyway, a follow up to the ninja hunting, it is not happening yet. I have yet to figure out a day when you can count on the dorms being lively. When I do, we will hunt ninja. On that day. So far, no for Tuesday and Saturday, however.

Ninja Hunt on Saturdays

Tuesday didn't quite do it for us. It was a little not crowded enough. However, I still had fun. Anneka and Brianne joined us, even though Brianne had to duck out eventually. Garnet and Anneka and I ended up getting bored of the lack of people and left to go get food. We ended bumping into a tabla player named Eric who is really cool. We spent more than an hour sitting with him, listening to him play tabla, trying to learn to play tabla, talking to him, and showing off the He Man Sword.

So I still haven't really been focusing enough on writing, like I'm supposed to. I mean, I really don't have that much to say about it. It's like, I've basically just repeated myself a lot. I don't really write the way that I would like to, and, well, that's it. I don't do it. I never have written the way everybody tells me I should write. This whole stream of consciousness thing is still really weird for me.

I mean, it's not like my writing is bad or anything. I guess it could look like this:

so i went shoping 2day at teh stor, lolz!!1

Et cetera. But still, it's not like I'm not thinking about what I write even now. Which isn't what I'm supposed to do. I guess I'm just supposed to follow my brain. Garnet told me you can get your brain split so that your right half is independent from your left half. That would be kinda neat, but it seems to me that the brain, being one of the few things in the human body we still don't understand, is not to be messed with.

So I think that everybody is pissed off at me, and I think that for no reason. Tomorrow, I'll probably be in a really good mood. Dang moods. They never do anything that makes sense, ever. Yeah, but anyway, I am definitely in one if those moods when I think for no good reason that every person is annoyed with me. I hate it when I think that because it probably isn't true.

I could do with a milkshake right about now. Hmm, FCB. Yeah, FCB.

Oh yeah, so my magic schedule will come into play on Friday. I am excited, because, hopefully, I will end up way less stressed and way more fun-having. Maybe I will even make some friends here at UM! :O

Yeah, FCB.

I am so excited.

Tonight, I hunt ninja. Awwww, yeah!

Also, I am going to leave soon to audition for Michigan Pops Orchestra. It is basically the fun orchestra. The theme this semester is cartoon music, so they will be playing cartoon music. They perform in the Michigan Theatre, and there will be a movie screen behind them showing cartoons. I hope I get in. I hope I hope I hope. That would be so cool!

So anyway, the ninja hunting will be great, because we will have also Wilson and Brianne and Nico. And maybe others! We will also have that wicked He Man sword. It will be the best ever.

So anyway, just a tip for those of you smart enough to get those USB Flash drives:

You know how when you pull it out without ejecting it from the computer, you get an error message telling you to not do that, or you risk corrupting the disc? Well it isn't lying. Don't do that. Just eject the stupid disc the way the computer wants you to. I lost an entire paper. It would also be smart to save on places that are not the disc. You know, to back it up. But seriously, I didn't know pulling out the disc actually did anything bad. I always thought it was just one of those small precautionary things. Well, heed your computer's advise. It's probably smarter than you are.

So yeah. Gotta gotta gotta rewrite the paper. Dangit dangit dangit.

It's just lucky for me that the professor randomly decided to postpone the deadline a week. So yeah. College. Ahahaha.

Speaking of college, I had that French test today. Those of you that know me well know that my specific memory is really terrible. However, I am very good at deriving things. You know, like, if I can come up with a reason that something is true, I will remember it. However, I will forget that the something is true, and will require the logical process.

So, onward to vocabulary. Sometimes, I can find connections that make words make sense for their meanings. Like, "Maison" is house, and is similar to "mansion." So I remember that it is house. Et cetera. Nonetheless, I can't do this with every single noun we have. There are many that I just have to remember. So what do I do? I forget them instead of remembering them!

Anyway, the test was great. The whole way through, I seemed to know everything. It wasn't very vocabulary-leaning. It was way more on grammar. I think I did really well. Although, what I forgot, was there was also the afternoon test. However, when the single sheet of paper was passed around, I breathed a sigh of relief. It was culture stuff. I'm good at that! And we answered in English! I'm good at that too!

So I happily completed it in about 15 minutes. And then was given part II, which was several pages, and vocab. Fuck. Yeah, so I bombed that, not surprisingly. I wonder when I find out how well I did. Probably tomorrow. Blegh.

My Magic Schedule

So today I got fed up with constant stress and all the work I have to do in college. I have decided to drop out. Haha, just kidding. Really, I'm just making a far more detailed schedule, involving 32 hours of study per week. In order to get it all to fit, I actually needed to schedule meals. However, this should give me enough time to do all my work, while still having plenty of time to chill and have fun. By plenty of time, what I mean is after 9:00. And in college, fun doesn't really start until around then anyway.

Yeah, I really hope this works, because I like don't have time for fun at all as it stands. And that ain't right. It ain't right at all. I mean, it's not like I have any friends or anything, but I can still have fun, same as any. I never really did need friends to have fun anyway. It's like, I am totally content with my own company. When I am by myself, I can make sock puppet shows and nobody will even think I am weird, because there is nobody there to think I am weird.

Also, due to incidents of the past, having no friends is something I have grown accustomed to, you know? I don't really make very strong friendship bonds with people, because, well, I don't know why. I just don't, really. There are only two people with whom I have really bonded, and they are Simon and Gynelle. Sorry to all my other friends that thought they might be on that list. It's not that you guys aren't important to me or something. I'm just saying that Simon and Gynelle are basically my two friends. Once you have the whole telepathy thing going on, well, I dunno, but Simon and Gynelle and I have the whole telepathy thing going on, so I guess we apply to this sentence.

No, seriously, we totally do. Ask anybody. They will tell you that we have the whole telepathy thing going on.

So anyway, once I have a schedule, things will at least be way less stressful, you know? Whether I have time or not doesn't really matter much I guess, but I won't ever need to be staying up late doing something or anything. Or waking up absurdly early. Both of which I have done, and neither of which I want to do again.

So I just lost my train of thought completely. I don't really like the fishbowl that much, when it comes down to it. I mean, it's great for getting stuff done, but it is not an environment I particularly enjoy. If only there were computers in Rackham. I really like studying in Rackham. I really like it there. I'm also not allowed to go there. Hah! Rules.

I mean, I'm not obnoxious or anything.

Man, this may be my most rambling entry yet. Maybe.

Yeeee so much work that I am getting done

Yeah so I have this French test tomorrow and lately I have not been doing quite so well in French. I hope I do okay.

Man I am at the fishbowl right now, and the keyboards are so disgusting sometimes. My laptop actually has a cover for its keyboard, because I don't want it to get any dirt in it. I take care of my lappy. Actually, now I think about it, the keyboard is getting dirty. I should wash it sometime soon.

Although, to wash it I would need a big bowl, that I don't have. I need a big bowl. It would also be nice for popcorn. I would also need dishwashing soap, but that isn't hard to get. Dang I guess I just need all the stuff there is. I need the world in my pocket. On a rocket. In a locket. Don't open the door just knock it. Stopping.

So I might start ninjutsu. What do you think about that? I don't have any particular reason for it. I guess it would give me a reason to try to stay in shape. I guess!

I mean, also, I would know how to fight and stuff. I don't know if I ever need to know that, but it seems like it might come in handy at one point or another. Plus, being Buddhist, people expect me to be trained in all the martial arts for some reason. I don't really get it, to be honest. I mean, Buddhists are all about peace. You know? Some martial arts make sense, such as Aikido or such as any, but stuff like Ninjutsu or Judo seem to be more about fighting. I could be completely wrong though. Nevertheless, it'll probably keep me in shape, and give me a higher tolerence for pain, and both of those are pretty cool I guess.

Apparently, Wilson did Tae Kwon Do for like two months, and his claim to fame was that he made a green-belt cry. After two months were up, the free trial period ended, and therefore Wilson stopped doing Tae Kwon Do.

If any of you wonderful readers happen to know about martial arts, and what the differences are, email me and tell me, because they seem like they'd be a good thing to do, and I want to start with one that is good for starting with. Or should I just talk to Ted?

Garnet is a pretty cool fellow

He let me borrow his mandolin, even though it belongs to him, and he knows I am going to set fire to it instead of, you know, playing it. Haha, just kidding. Yeah, I am so totally going to get good at it. I mean, how awesome would that be? I'd be all like "yo" and whatnot. I mean, come on. Mandolin and violin, at the same time. Four arms. Matt "Four Arms" LaChance. That is what you can call me. Do it!

Call me that I dare you. I double triple dog dare you! I don't even know what I am saying right now.

Well, I will be honest. I really don't want to be writing right now. I'm kinda not in the best of moods and it's not for any actual reason so I can't really use this blog thing to vent.

Well, I am supposed to focus on such as writing my journal, so I'll do that. Writing. It sure is. Without writing, we'd still be not reading anything. Or even writing anything on such as paper, same as any. Does it make sense? Doesn't make sense.

Well, I guess my writing is too dang controlled. I'm all "I have a big vocabulary and use nice punctuation and grammar and I am very boring." I guess this is not a good thing for the class. It's as good as any for such as writing analytical papers or science papers, but when it comes to things that are interesting / cool, it simply doesn't make the cut.

For example, consider that what the heck I just started an example with "consider that" I think my point has basically been proved at this point.

When I write something, I usually turn in my second draft. The voice I am using right now is my normal streaming voice where I don't have to put any effort into thinking, and it is a good enough voice to turn in. The second draft is more of a changing words around to make it sound poetic kinda thing. This isn't good I guess, because I should be doing many drafts to get my best work out.

I need to figure out a way to lose this voice while streming. Have a voice that conveys ideas without caring about skillfull conveying. Instead, it would be skill-less. Or at least, full of ideas.

So I am still trying to figure out a cool password. I would like it to be around 12 characters long, and I want it to look really cool to type in (basically, really really fast and without looking). I also want it to be done completely with my right hand, so that I can press return immediately after. This is the best sort of thing I have come up with so far:

poij098uoiuh

It is pretty easy to type quickly and press return while all at the same time being accurate. It follows all my listed values, basically. But it's not cool enough. I need it to look cool to type in. This one is basically the same thing three times in a row, which doesn't cut it. Any suggestions? Really, I could use help. I'm tired of my current password, which I was about to write, but won't. Help me, those of you with ideas!

I promised about Wilson

Okay I guess I promised to explain about Wilson being drunk, so I'll get on that right away.

Wilson joined a group called the Glee Club. They are known for being an a capella group that does a very good job, and also known for a lot of drinking. Last night, Wilson went to his very first Glee Club party at Cottage Inn where there was pizza and beer. Therefore, we naturally assumed that Wilson would come back drunk.

Very quickly, preparing for a drunk Wilson became a hallway project. We moved his bed to the floor, so he wouldn't be up high and get vertigo and vomit. We moved him to the futon. We also cleared the way from the door to the futon, making a very clear path so that Wilson could simply walk forward and collapse onto his bed. We also put a bunch of things on the ladder to his bunk bed, so he would be unable to climb up, and placed a very large cardboard box in front of it so he wouldn't be able to reach it anyway. I emptied one of the trash bins and placed it next to the futon so Wilson would have a way to easily vomit if he had to, without making a mess. We even drew on pieces of paper, labeling where to sleep, where to vomit, where not to sleep, et cetera.

Anyway, all in all, we put a lot of work into it. When Wilson came back, completely sober, the entire hall was disappointed, and Wilson was just confused about why the room was rearranged and why the entire hallway was disappointed "because he was not drunk." All in all, it was a neat experience, and without the drunk context, we never would have gone ninja hunting.

Today was also neat because I visited my High School. Judith DeWoskin (one of the best teachers in the world ever) wanted me to come back and talk to some of her students. This of course gave me the opportunity to get hugged by many people, and, overall, treated like a god.

I mean, even though a lot of people told me they would miss me, it never occurred to me that they actually did miss me. It always seemed to me that "I'll miss you" was just one of the things you were obligated to say to a friend who would be gone for a while. I guess not! It was like the whole school was rejoicing at my presence, and most of my friends weren't even there anymore, so it doesn't even make sense. Well, it was still pretty cool.

Great ego-building too. I mean, for a while, I totally thought I was a really cool person. I recommend visiting your old high school from time to time. It does your self-esteem wonders.

Thursday doesn't matter

Actually I am just quoting that song called W.E.E.K.E.N.D. It is a good song, really.

Monday . . . is not a fun day.
Tuesday . . . is a blues day.
Wednesday's getting better.
Thursday doesn't matter, then it's
Friday . . . is the last day.
W E E K E N D it's weekend.
W E E K E N D it's weekend.

Um, anyway, back in the real world, tonight, I had the most fun I have had since, well, since ever. I have never had this much fun. Ever. Full stop. "What did you do?" I hear you cry. Or maybe you're just thinking "Oh god another story." Or perhaps "Matt I already know about the ninja hunt. I was there. It was my idea remember?" if you're Garnet.

Here goes. For my birthday, mon ami Ted gave me padded nunchaku and a padded sword. By the way, I don't think Ted got them from the linked sites, but they basically describe the gifts to the T, in more detail than I could hope to provide.

Anyway, Wilson and I were planning on using them if ever we had a disagreement. That way we could have arguement battles. Recently, Kate Wakefield randomly came to my dorm room (which was really really cool). Among the fun we had was her giving me a belated birthday present. It was a whole bagful of goodies. Among these were some handcuffs, and a neon-green plastic cap gun.

Well, thank you Ted, and thank you Kate! We actually used them!

So Garnet and I were bored while we awaited the drunk return of Wilson (perhaps I will outline this tomorrow). We were playing a little with the weapons and Garnet says "hey wouldn't it be great if we grabbed these—" he picked up both the nunchaku and the sword "— and burst into a room shouting 'IS ANYONE HERE DRUNK???'"

We both seemed to find this idea really funny because we laughed for a while. Then we decided to do it. I grabbed the argument weapons, while Garnet donned the neon-green plastic cap gun and handcuffs. And then we were off. We burst into the hallwayand rocketed down it, barrelled into the stairwell, and went to a different floor. Any time we went through a door, we jumped and got really intense. After about ten minutes of this, a person we happened to pass was like, "uh, what are you doing" and I was like "hunting" and Garnet was like "ninjas." "Hunting ninjas. Have you seen any ninjas"

The guy just looked puzzled, and the line stuck. From that point onward, we were hunting ninjas. After telling this to a particular girl, she asked about the handcuffs, to which Garnet artfully replied "ninjas have hands, same as any."

(My favourite part:) At one point we were in the basement and a whole group of people walked by us, and we asked if they had seen any ninjas. One of them pointed at the nunchaku and asked "are you a ninja?"

At the same time, I shouted "no!" and Garnet shouted "traitorous bastard!" and pointed the gun at me. I crumpled into a ball, moaning "noooooooo" and Garnet said to the crowd "you guys better leave. This is gonna get ugly."

They left, and he pointed the gun at me and it *clicked* anticlimactically. It was beautiful.

Needless to say, we both ran in the other direction, past a different group of people, shouting "RUN!! NINJAS!!! RUN AWAYYYYYYYY!!!"

Anyway, that was the most fun I have had for a really long time. By the by, we ran around my dorm hall for two hours. So, we agreed that, from now on, we will do this every Tuesday from 7-9 PM. Not Thursday because it won't work for Brianne.

Yeah. It will be so great. And Garnet says he will bring his He Man sword on Tuesday. Great great great great great.

Math math math math

I really need to get a college system going. Right now I am kind of dying of complete lack of sleep. Yeah, I still have that procrastination probalo. I really should make a schedule. But right now instead of scheduling things I am putting them off. Blegh. College is kinda hard, by the way, for those of you who aren't there already.

Matt's Words Of Wisdom™:

Preschool:

You learn nothing. Nothing.

Elementary School:

You learn a very basic and simple foundation for knowledge.

Middle School:

Now you actually have do do some work. Haha, just kidding. You do learn things, though.

High School:

Here you actually need to do work. Plus you learn a lot. However, as long as you do your homework and coursework, you will be a-ok.

College:

Well, you gotta do your homework. But not the night before. You gotta do it the week before. And you also have to study. Like, even if you aren't assigned anything (unlikely) you still have to do work.

Grad School:

I would rather not think about this right now.

Real Life:

Not thinking not thinking not thinking

I think that when it comes down to it, everything just keeps getting harder. That's life. Oh, yeah, and then there's retirement. Where it would be really awesome because you have no obligations, except that you're too old to do anything fun anymore, so you just play bridge and golf instead. What a way to go.

Anyway, this is whole college thing is really hard. It is a much bigger adjustment for me than going from middle school to high school was. It's just so much more, I dunno, big. I guess a huge factor is the lack of parents. I always could count on them to yell at me to get working, but now, I've got nobody. I have Wilson I guess, but we are both bad influences on each other, work-wise.

So, all in all, here is why college is important and is so necessary to get a job (I think):

If you're going to work for say a car company, they could care less about the actual knowledge you gained in college. The reasons that college helps you are, theoretically, you learned to discipline yourself, you can cope with a lot of work and stress and still meet deadlines, you can do quality work, you can multi-task, you have social skills, you can balence work with social life with sleep.

Any time a business hires someone they know nothing about, they take a gamble. If this person graduated from college, it is less of a gamble, because the person in question probably is able to do a good job.

So maybe I have friends?

No probably not. Not yet, that is. In my writing class, we split into groups of three. This is to be expected, but what I didn't realise is that we would always be in the same group. Why is this significant? Why, because we actually get to know each other. My group members seem cool so far. One of them plays guitar and listens to such as Radiohead, and his name is Jordan. He seems to agree with me in that I don't really like making friends the traditional way.

By "traditional" what I of course mean is the whole *shaking hands* "OH IT IS NICE TO MEET YOU I HOPE YOU ARE DOING WELL MY YOU DO HAVE A VERY NICE HAT DID YOU GET IT AT ONE OF THE STORES HERE IN ANN ARBOR OHOHOHO" et cetera thing. I hate that. I much prefer just sitting alone and not having friends. If I'm going to make friends, I'm not going to do that whole fake thing, because I hate it. If I do make any friends, it will be a coincidence more than anything else. Then of course, once I have friends, by default, I can make friends with their friends somewhat easily. And it goes on.

Anyway, Jordan I guess doesn't like that either. Although, I don't know if he hates it to the point I do, but the point is, we somewhat agree. And that makes us friends. Just kidding. But it is kinda nice to already have someone I agree with, you know, so's I have some kinda false connection. I mean, it beats the aforementioned "traditional" routine.

The other group member is named Molly, and she is all gothic. I don't think her ultimate ambition is to like wander around at midnight in the Paris sewers with a swishy cape while weeping or anything, but she does that whole "I only own black clothes so I guess I will just wear black I mean there aren't really any other colours anyway" thing. And she went to this goth-fest thing.

I didn't know goths had "fests." I thought that was strictly limited to things that were mainstream. Goths aren't mainstream, or at least they try to be not mainstream. I guess it is pretty common and mainstream to be a goth, but I think if you were to tell a goth they were mainstream they would probably cry a lot at you or something. Or they would give you that goth look where they look all sulky and angry and offended and pouting all at the same time. If you have never hung out with a goth, this may be hard to picture, but that is the glare I remember from the couple goth friends I've had.

Oh, by the way, I hope I haven't offended any goths (can goths be offended by anything? is it even allowed by the goth creed? is there a goth creed?) or anything. I should probably make a disclaimer to my blog. And where more fitting a place for a disclaimer than right here in the middle of a post.

Disclaimer:

If you are offended by my blog, please don't read it. I mean, it isn't like I am forcing you to read everything I write or anything. You are perfectly capable of ignoring me. I have no intention to offend anybody, but, again, nobody ever has to read this blog. It is totally for my own benefit. The fact that you have the time to read this blog means you could probably be doing something useful instead. Unless you really like having a window into my mind, don't read it. There is no reason for you to. If I am offensive, it is probably my real opinion. If that completely reshapes your opinion of me and you decide that you no longer want to be my friend, so be it. I mean, if our bond of friendship is weak enough that me being offensive can break it, I doubt that you are a very valued friend anyway.

My point is, stop reading it if it makes you mad or something. I'm not trying to make any points or anything, I am only giving a stream of consciousness. That means my thoughts will be disorganised at best, and incomprehensible at worst. If they are offensive, too bad. Don't read it. Shoo. Goodbye.

Here I go.

I haven't updated for a long time (a week). This means bad things for my class. So, I will be for that reason posting 7 entries today (today being Monday 19 September). Naturally, the dates will be changed. Cheating? Sure it is! But I won't be doing this again, and I want an A.

I have a job!

So I am working in my dining hall that is in the building I live in. Yesterday, I worked as a dish-washer, and today I worked as a slave. I prefered dish-washing, actually. It was a nice, repetitive, non-stressful, and thoughtless job. The slave work (actually the job is cleverly named "dessert and deli bars" and I am the only person I know of so far who caslls it "Kitchen Slave") is far more stressful and there is much more to think about. I have to make sure four different areas are stocked full while a constant amount of students go by. Sometimes, it is as little work as replacing a box of cereal, and sometimes, it is as much as going and getting a tray of s'more bars from the back room, cutting them into squares, arranging them in a pretty pattern on another tray, and all this while not eating any of them.

Naturally, if I happen to have nothing to do for any period of time, my job is then to do what anybody tells me.

The cool thing is, my starting wage is $8.65 an hour. When I'm washing dishes, it's up to about 9. I understand that these are really high wages for what I'm doing. Plus, they'll go up. I think I just managed to land myself in the best job ever.

Anyway I am currently holding onto my computer for dear life while typiung because a couple of my friends are attempting to drag me out of the room. I think I will have to continue this later. I will. Goodbye for now.

Eating At College 101 (hahaha 101 and college get it?)

So it is 2:30 in the afternoon and I have nothing to eat. I mean, I had French toast for breakfast with Wilson a while ago, but I am hungry again, and lunch ended a half-hour ago. I guess there is always the Halfway Inn (apparently also known as the Halfass), which, for those of you who don't know, is a place where you can get food that is not very good with meal credit.

Also, they do not serve dinner on Saturdays, so I will have to figure out some way to eat food. Knowing me, I will probably end up not eating anything. One of the cool things about college is the meal plan, because there is food ready and waiting for me to eat it, but the problem is that if I miss it, I miss it. Today, I missed it.

That's probably why I'm all underweight. Oh well. I've been like this for as long as I can remember and I haven't developed cancer yet. Still though. Well, I shouldn't complain. That's what I get for staying up until 4:00 a.m. last night. It is to be expected, I suppose.

Speaking of which I am going to have to set a bedtime from now on, because all this sleeping in, not eating breakfast, and then going to several hours of classes is not working for me. I think 11:00 is a reasonable hour that I should have to be in bed by. A little late for me, but a little early for college. A nice compromise.

I don't know what it is about college that compels me to stay up so late. I mean, I am not a night person. I am totally a big morning person. Yet I persist in staying up late all the time now. I don't think it's because of Wilson (who is a night person and is my roommate). I am fine with going to bed while he is in the room with the light on. Is it a peer-pressure thing? I doubt it.

It's probably the lack of control my parents enforce over me now. It's almost like the time of day no longer matters. If I am tired I sleep and if I want to be awake I wake up. Now that we humans have curtains to make rooms dark and light-bulbs to make rooms bright, we have no need for the sun anymore.

Actually, contrary to what I said previously, I am hungry, and I want food. I will now head over to Big Ten Burrito. That'll fill me up.

I guess my writing needs a lot of work

So I am reading one of the books required for my writing class, Writing With Power by Peter Elbow. In there it says that people who already have a very controlled writing style will have a lot of trouble writing with power and it will take a while, while people who don't like writing or do not have a controlled style will be able to get it far sooner.

Well, I am pretty sure that I have a very controlled voice. A very controlled voice. It's too bad, really, because this is something I had hoped to develop quicker. Quicker than what? I don't even know. I suppose it doesn't really matter when it comes down to it, but still. I feel kind of gypped. It's like, I've worked so hard developing a voice that I kind of like and I have become very accustomed to using it, and now this is suddenly a bad thing. Dangit!

It's not like I was expecting the book to say something different, but I guess it just went and said what I didn't want to hear, you know? It's like, now I'm stuck with this stupid boring voice that doesn't come up with anything that could be called feeling yet the people who don't even like writing will master the power voice in writing like that (I snapped my fingers).

Then again, what am I so worried about? It's not like this is an ability that I need to come up with quickly. Everything worth being a thing takes time. It's like doing homework. No really. I have been at college for less than a week and I already know this.

When you do homework, you have to take a while. Whether you want to or not. See, you need to spread it out over the period of time you have to do it. Anything you do the night before will show it. Oh yes, it will show it.

Plus, if you give things the time they deserve, you make life easier for yourself. For example, I figure I have 3 classes. Therefore, I should spend an hour a day on each class. So I reserve three hours each day for study. If I honestly do not have anything to do for the slotted class, I get to work on another class of my choosing.

Of course, on Fridays and Saturdays, I have more hours reserved for study, simply because I have more time. One day, I hope to figure out a schedule that allows me to finish all my work before the weekend, and then I can say "I don't work on Shabbos!" It would be really cool if I could actually pull that off.

Until then, I'll just have to settle for doing my work, I guess.

College is Weird

Going to college in the same town you grew up in is almost surreal. It's not like there is anything new for me to explore. I know even campus back and front. I am on first-name terms already with a few of the homeless people. I know the great places for food. When I walk around, I have already walked there. Yet, somehow, it is so totally different from before.

It's like everything just got painted a bunch of different colours. I don't mean like they painted grass orange or something. I mean different colours. Like colours that don't exist. It's impossible to imagine colours you have never seen before. Yet that seems to be what happened. Everything is the same. Every blade of grass, every brick, every bit of dirt. Yet it's all different. It's like something really subtle but at the same time really huge changed, and I can't put my finger on it.

I guess it's just that I feel like I don't have my home, over that way. My home is right in the middle of all this instead. But it isn't my home. It's like a hotel-room. I guess that's what it's like to be on the move or something, or be always moving around. Except I haven't moved. I'm in the same ol' Ann Arbour. Except Ann Arbour will never be the same to me again. I am now dwelling on the other side of State Street. And somehow, things are just different. I run into my high school friends now and again, actually. We wave, say hi, sometimes hug, and part. It's just so automatic.

"Matt! How is college!"
"Oh my god it's [name]! One of my very good friends is high school cool?"
"High school is just how you remember it"
"College is blah blah blah"
"Ha ha ha pretty neat, well I am going this way and you are going that way"
"That is true, so I guess I will see you some other time goodbye"

It isn't meaningful or even neat in any way. It just kind of is. I dunno. I can't really compare very well, since I haven't gone away for college. However, I will have to conclude that staying home is weirder. Not as stressful, perhaps. But still weirder by a lot.

From my experience of moving away (mostly stemming from my year-trip to England), you just give up everything and start a new life. You have to make all new friends. You have to use a map, or at least ask directions. You have to, well, you get the idea. When you stay where you live, you think to yourself, "ahh this will be easy, I know my way around and I already have plenty of friends living in town." Yet, somehow, it's hard. It doesn't really make too much sense, I guess. It should be a breeze, but I almost feel like I don't want to dwell on my friends, you know? That wouldn't be soaking up the college experience. It'd be cheating.

No, it wouldn't be cheating. It'd be fine, but difficult to maintain. Also, I'd be missing out on all my opportunities here.

It's so surreal! I walk around with no friends, knowing that, if I walked 15 minutes north-west, I would be treated like a God at my high school. Yet I can't bring myself to go back there, because it would somehow be so fake. Nostalgic, yes, but also fake.

The Go! Team

Well, I think I am finally getting over the Go! Team. I've been obsessed for a couple days, and now it is once again tapering away, as music seems to do. It's odd how music does that with me. First, I like something a lot. I listen to it a lot, and almost exclusively. After a week or so, it gets old, and I'm never in the mood. Then, a couple months go by, and I listen again, and love it, and listen in moderation, and the happy relationship continues forever.

However, I am still in the mood for the Go! Team. I'm listening to "Bottle Rocket" as I type, actually. Good song. I wish I knew the words, but I imagine the words are useless in interpreting the song. I think I will definitely have to buy the album at some point.

So my math teacher still seems to be pretty awesome. Thing is, he always starts class early. I will have to show up earlier, I guess. Walking from it to French is a little annoying as well, because it somehow always seems to take 10 minutes. Either that or I walk from math as soon as it ends and to French and always walk in as soon as it begins.

So I don't exactly know what to write. Perhaps I'll share some issues of myself. This is about emotions. Lately, I've been moderately mood-swingy. I suspect it to mostly be related to my good friend Simon being gone, but who knows? There are probably several varied contributing factors. I find that it is rarely just one thing. For anything. Take Bush winning the 2000 election. By the way, I am indeed liberal (not progressive — I hate the word progressive, so much). I do not affiliate myself with either party, however, because both of them manage to piss me off in different ways.

I also don't find that any of the smaller parties really resonate with me much. Perhaps more than Democrats or Republicans, but not enough that I would consider the size:resonation ratio to be worth it.

Anyhow, as I was saying, Bush won the 2000 election, as we all know. Many people who are upset about that have thrown the blame to several people. Some of the most common are Sandra Day O'Connor, William Rehnquist, those blocking polls from minorities, and Ralph Nader, I think. I don't usually hear Karl Rove, but I think he should perhaps take more blame than he's given. However, although I love the blame game as much as anybody, I prefer to blame the very large minority that voted for Bush. Many claim that because it was a minority, Gore should have won. I agree, I guess, but I'm not angry at the Supreme Court for disagreeing. I'm not even mad at Ralph for running even though he perhaps knew he would elect Bush.

I'm mad at the huge amount of the population that went ahead and voted for that loser of a president. Thing is, that isn't a person to blame. That is a bunch of faceless nameless people, and you really can't get mad at one individually. So, of course, people like to blame other more prominent people.

Well, it is rarely the person everybody points at. That person is merely a figurehead. They look good when they do something good, but look bad when they screw up. When it comes to actually doing anything, they have surprisingly little power.

But I digress. I was talking about emotions. Well, lately, I have been somewhat depressed. Most of it the whole "nobody likes me and I get on everybody's nerves" sort. Earlier today, I think a large source of this cleaned a lot of it up, but it is by no means gone. I mean, if you were to ask me logically, I have no reason to believe anybody harbours any dislike for me at all, yet my emotions are somehow convinced.

I really wish it was my logic that controlled my feelings, and not my stupid gut. My gut has only one purpose, and that is to eat food. I have no idea what place it has in my emotions. It has none.

I can feel my eyelids sagging. While this is a feeling I'm sure I will have to get used to, I'd rather postpone my being accustomed to it if at all possible.

Fare well and a good night to all! Unless you live in India and it is almost afternoon! Then please do not have a good night!

Classes for my first time 'round

Well, I am done with classes today, which is nice. Again, I am going to express that it is pretty neat that I am able to do this. One of the main things holding me back previously was that I was afraid I wouldn't have the time to do a good job. However, it has been made clear to me that I am to be writing for 15 minutes per day, be it on paper or on computer.

Personally, I am a paper-person, but I figure this is my big chance to get a blog. Once I get enough posts to go by, I'll probably tell people this exists. Or maybe I should tell people right away, so that they can always be caught up. Or perhaps I am reading into this too deeply and nobody is actually going to read this blog at all. Hm. That seems most likely. In fact, I bet that I pointed you to this specific post, for you to be reading it. Thank you for actually reading what I pointed you to!

Anyway, let's see, how did today go. Well, I have four professors to go over, it seems. First, starting at 9:00 in the morning, I've got Linear Algebra (MATH 217). For those of you who don't know what that means, yes, Linear Algebra comes after Calculus. My professor's name is Professor David Gammack, and he has a British accent. He seems to be a pretty neat guy, all in all. Somehow I always manage to luck out with math professors. First, Jorge Balbás, and now David Gammack. Well, I suppose I shouldn't assume he's great right now, as I have known him for an hour. Nonetheless, I am happy so far.

As for French, I have two teachers. For my morning class, I have Dominique Butler-Bourant, who went ahead and spoke in French for the first 15 minutes or so, making me wonder if I had walked into the correct room. However, she eventually switched to English and let us know that we were indeed in RCLANG 160, Intensive French I, and I've already got work to do I guess. Not much though. My other teacher for French, Carolyn Anderson-Burack. I suppose I'll be getting to know her better as her class is far smaller than the morning one (the morning one is a lecture and the afternoon is discussion). Neat. All in all, though, everyone seems to be neat.

Oh yeah! Jeff Evans! He is a neuro-psycologist and is teaching a course on writing. He is the reason I am doing this, actually. It suddenly occurs to me that he will be reading this, so perhaps it would be best to not make fun of him. I don't really have anything bad to say about him anyway. Yet.

Really though, he is very bad with names, as am I. And it's kind of cool because he keeps making little remarks about how something is psychologically. Really interesting stuff.

Anyway, I am currently listening to "Bottle Rocket" by the Go! Team. This is a very cool song. The following song on the album (Thunder, Lightning, Strike) is called "Friendship Update" and is also really awesome. I swear, this album is the soundtrack to my life. If my life were a movie, this would totally be the music.

Anyhow, Wilson cleaned his stuff in the room, and now I am messier than he is, so I should probably clean so's I can get back to blaming the mess on him.

Hello.

Well now. It seems as though I am finally folding into the pressures of my peers to get a blog. Also, one of my classes requires 15 minutes per day of fluid free-writing, so I figured this would be a good way to "kill two birds with one stone," so to speak.

As of yet, I'm not entirely sure how this will end up working. I do not plan on telling anybody that I exist quite yet, so, for now, this will be akin to a private journal. The difference is that I don't have to buy a journal (because if I did, knowing me, I would spend hours finding the perfect journal complete with yellowed paper and perhaps a leaf-like cover and who knows what else — needless to say it'd be expensive in the end). Instead, I suppose I get to use this free thing. Well, that is pretty neat all in all.

Plus, I don't need to think about carrying my journal with me everywhere. It will always be here on the internet, and so I can access it from anywhere that has an internet connection and (if I'm lucky) a printer. I suppose, all in all, this should turn out to be a neat experience.

I doubt I will really write anything that I would like to keep personal. There isn't really anything that comes to mind anyway. I suppose I should perhaps use this first post to introduce myself and I suppose let you know what I am all about.

Well, I am a male, for what it's worth. I guess this means I tend to be rather flat and emotionless. Or I at least appear that way to someone who doesn't know me. However, just like any human being, I have emotions too! I'm not, like, Spock or something.

Also I am not a Trekkie. I am friends with several of them, but to be honest, I found the two episodes I watched to be quite boring. I'm much more of a comedy person when it comes to movies. Sad movies, no matter how amazing they are, just don't make the cut for me. When I watch a movie, I want to be entertained. I'm not saying this is the way to be, but it's the way I happen to be. I don't find depressing stuff entertaining; I find it sad/scary.

So you know, I am the biggest wimp with scary movies. For example, you know those scenes when there'll be a person walking down that thin decrepit old wooden hallway where 800 people have already met their doom and the music comes to a climax and you're just thinking "No idiot! Don't go in there!" but of course they do it anyway? Well, those scenes, no matter how clichéd or poorly done, manage to unfailingly give me the willies.

So, to make a short story long, my favourite movie is the Big Lebowski. If you haven't seen it, find a friend of yours who likes it, and watch it with them. The Big Lebowski is not a movie to see alone for your first time. It is definitely a group movie, wherever possible. Actually, I just pre-ordered the special-edition copy of it off of Amazon yesterday. It doesn't come out until October, but you can be sure that there will be a Big Lebowski party when I get it.

Anyway, what are some other things to know about me? Let me think. Personal. Sexual orientation. That's generally considered personal. Although, I suppose it's really only personal if you're gay or bi. If you're straight, you're in the majority, so there is no reason to keep it a secret. If you're bi, you can easily pretend to be straight, if you do feel like covering it up.

Me, however, I am asexual. This is rather rare, I am led to believe, but there you go. Being asexual, and therefore never having sex with other men, I manage to avoid persecution, and, usually, people don't pay enough attention to notice or care that I also don't have sex with women. While it does say in some places that having same-sex relationships is not okay, I have never heard it said that not having heterosexual relationships was also not okay. So I guess I got that going for me.

Which is nice.

What else should you know about me? Well, I guess I am a freshémon at the University of Michigan. In Ann Arbour. As I said, the main motivation besides peer pressure for me to even do this is a class I have.

I live in East Quadrangle there. If you happen to be in town, do drop by. My room is 207 Hayden, which is near the south-east corner of the building. You'll see "Matthew" written on my door, in any case.

Oh! I'm a Zen Buddhist, which is pretty neat I guess. I have taken the Buddhist precepts, actually, and now have a Dharma name. If you know what that means, and want to know my name, it is Mattika (a Pali word meaning clay or soil). If you don't know what a Dharma name is, it is somewhat difficult to explain, and, when it really comes down to it, do you actually care? I thought not.

I enjoy doing math, and feel rather passionately about it in some respects. You can expect some math rants coming soon, I am sure. Right now, however, I am not in the mood.

Well, I suppose this is a decent first entry. Also, I might add that everything I post is unedited. I will not go back and edit or delete anything I say ever. I don't proofread this at all, so if you find spelling or grammar issues, I guess you may as well let me know. I won't do anything about it though.